Fried off that sh*t that rock stars die from - Part 1: the effects of alcohol and drugs on fat and muscle

That's Danny Brown in the title (track 2, but do yourself a favour and listen to all of it, it's full of tunes and the odes to excess provide the perfect backdrop this article).

I reasoned that being a student myself, fellow students likely represent a large proportion of my readership. Students tend like a beer or 10. Some like to hit the trees harder than George of the Jungle. Others pop the same pills that had Carlton dancing fast. You may or may not know what the various substances you decide to take are doing to your internal organs and (most importantly) brain. If you don't, you probably should. But let's be vain and flippant for a bit, what are all these things going to do to your body's appearance?

I'll talk about the booze first, as almost everyone I know has a tipple a least occasionally; then the more virtuous amongst you can clock out before we delve into the naughty stuff. I'm sure you all have the image in your head of what too much alcohol will do to your body: the stereotypical 20 stone, lager swilling, Buddha bellied ladladlad (England football strip and 3 lions tattoo optional). Luckily for us who would rather not tread that path, if you are smart about your pre-game food intake, drink choice and volume, you can get drunk and stay sexy.

Anything we do, America will do bigger and louder.

Alcohol is pretty complex once inside your body as it is both a drug and a (non-essential) nutrient, so it's a multi headed beast, acting on a variety of systems. Looking at alcohol as just a fuel source, it has 7 calories per gram. Compare this to 4 calories per gram of protein or carbs and 9 for fat, and we see that alcohol is a pretty dense source of calories. Not only is alcohol caloric, but due to being a liquid it's effects on satiety are pretty minimal, so it can be very easy to throw down some serious calories. There is a bit of a silver lining here however: some of the calories are used in thermogenesis (i.e. getting you hot and sweaty) during metabolism (via the ADH pathway, for science geeks), so the actual caloric load is more like 5.7 calories per gram. Furthermore, at high blood alcohol concentrations a second pathway (nerds: the MEOS pathway) for breaking down alcohol becomes active, this metabolises alcohol with essentially no caloric impact on the body; that may sound lovely but it also increases oxidation the body, which isn't so great. Still with all this, there's a fair few calories in your shandy.

This photo is important. For science.

The kicker with alcohol is not its actual caloric load per se, but they way your body metabolises it. It's extremely difficult for your body to convert alcohol to fatty acids for storage (it is in fact converted to acetate and acetaldehyde), this means very little to none of the alcohol you drink gets stored as fat. That's awesome, let's celebrate with beers! Well, not so fast; you see, alcohol gets metabolic priority over any other macronutrient. If there's booze in your blood stream, your liver goes straight to work on that and stops paying much attention to carbs and fats. After just 3 units, your liver decreases fat burning by around 75% and stops metabolising carbs, and this only shifts more in favour of alcohol metabolism with more drinks.  The fact your liver is focussing purely on the alcohol ingested means that any carbs and fat floating around in your blood stream have a pretty good chance of getting stored as the jiggly stuff.

Not the best choice of drink, but she's doing something right

Looking at alcohol in terms of its effects on your hormones; it's a well known fact alcohol turns men into women - they get emotional, talk too much and can't drive. Misogyny and poor jokes aside; there's a bit of truth in that. Moderate alcohol consumption (~2 drinks a day for 3 weeks) has been shown to give a pretty small decrease in testosterone for men, but this isn't really too much to worry about. It's the binging that is going to sap your ball power; men drinking ~12 units (it depended on their size) were shown to have on average a 23% drop in the big T after 16 hours. This was transient, their T levels bounced back, but it still isn't ideal, especially in terms of recovery if you have had a workout that day (as another study showed). It also can increase aromatase, which will turn your testosterone into (the female hormones) oestrogen. Put down the beer pitchers, bitch-tits.

I'm sorry. Sometimes shock therapy is the best route.

Alcohol, as anyone that has waited cross-legged in the queue for the toilet at a club knows, is a diuretic. 'Break the seal' and you are going all night. Well, this means you'll probably be dehydrated the next day. Another factor here is the usage of significant amounts of water soluble B vitamins, folate and vitamin C by your body to support the metabolism of alcohol. Those two things add up to a pounding head and a mouth like Gandhi's flip flop the next morning; bad for recovery if you worked out the day before or performance if you're working out the day after. The good news is that with a lack of water in your body, which includes subcutaneous water retention, you'll probably look pretty ripped when you spend half an hour posing in the mirror as part of your morning routine (only me?)

Shock therapy part 2.

In your brain, alcohol increases the usage of inhibitory neurotransmitter GABA (this is why alcohol is a depressant), this leads to you feeling relaxed and sleepy. The problem is, GABA regulates your sleep; when you are awake and drinking, your brain is going through more of this stuff than usual, so when you finally get to have some sleep, it will be less deep than otherwise and therefore less restorative. The other action of alcohol in your brain is to act as a sedative on the higher processing areas of your brain (the cerebral cortex) and lesser so on the lower areas. This means you can eat, sleep, breathe and shit without too much trouble, but your logic is going to be all kinds of fucked and your inhibitions loosened, leading to you saying and doing things you wouldn't when sober. This may end with you making awful decisions, like sleeping with ugly people or eating some greasy crap 'drunk food' at the end of the night. The former is probably actually good from a body composition point of view, you're getting some exercise in at least. The latter isn't so great. Remember what I said about fat and carb metabolism being blunted while your body burns off the alcohol? Well take one guess where that calorie bomb from chippy lane is going. Now repeat after me: "cheese and chips goes straight to the hips."

Everything about this is evil. It's not even food, it's a big box of 'you gonna get fat'.

It's not all doom and gloom when it comes to having a little drink though; moderate amounts of booze have been shown to improve insulin sensitivity and lower trigyceride concentrations. Better insulin sensitivity means that ingested carbs and protein will have a stronger insulin response and as such a greater muscle building response. Very poor insulin sensitivity is what leads to type II diabetes, so an increase in insulin sensitivity is good. Lower blood trigyceride concentrations are strongly correlated with decreased risk of heart disease and strokes, so chalk this one up as a win for drinkers as well. It's also been shown in large scale studies that moderate drinks live longer than those that are abstinent.

I don't really know what's going on here, but I want to be part of it.

You might be feeling like you need a stiff drink to handle all those facts that I've thrown, so let's do a quick, simple recap. Moderate (1-2 drinks a day) alcohol consumption brings positive effects to blood hormone markers and longevity, although males may experience very minor drops in serum testosterone, this is little to worry about. In general, a little bit of booze is actually a good thing; you've heard this all before though: "A glass of red a day keeps the doctor away". Heavy boozing, on the other hand, can wreak a bit of havoc on your body if you're not careful. T-levels dropping by almost a quarter, dehydration, vitamin loss and disturbed sleep patterns are all likely lead to insufficient recovery and potentially impair next-day performance. Furthermore, while the alcohol itself won't get stored as fat, most of the carbs and any fat you consume around the time you are drinking heavily will be.

Poor girl has a terrible drinking problem.

Now the fun part, let's talk damage control. How do we party like Chris Farley without looking like him (or dying, preferably)?

• If you're planning on a big night eat low fat all day.
• Keep carbs pretty low as well, in general avoiding starches for around 4 hours pre-drinking is a good idea.
• Eat lots of lean protein, this will keep you full and provide calories due to the low fat/carbs (don't get drunkorexic on me). It will also slow the absorption of alcohol a bit, which should avoid you hitting the deck as those tequilas hit your bloodstream.
• When you are out, imbibe majority low carb drinks (and definitely low fat, any cocktail with cream can fuck right off). So do forget the brew (track 7, for those listening along), also forget any full sugar mixers (that includes juices), alcopops, sweet wines and sugary liqueurs (this includes Jaeger and 'buca). This leaves you dry wines, and full proof spirits (vodka, rum, whisk(e)y, tequila, gin, brandy) with diet or low sugar mixers. I'm not saying don't have fun, have a Cosmo or a Long Slow Comfortable Screw Against The Wall before you start on the vodka and sodas, just bear in mind for optimum results you should stick to the list.
• Once you start drinking (like drinking, drinking; not just a glass of wine for the night) don't eat until you wake up in the morning. True some protein won't hurt, but seriously, who ever comes in and has a chicken breast after a heavy night on the tiles? It's much easier to say not to eat and probably easier for adherence. A late night chippy is a nightmare for your abs, you're smothering them. Let them be free, don't eat after drinking.
• When you get home, pop a multivitamin and down at least a pint of water, preferably two for bigger guys.
• If you're trying to lose fat or are serious about your physique, limit big nights (~1 drink per 20 kg bodyweight or more) to once a week or less. 1 or 2 drinks a day whenever you feel like it is fine.

Terrible drinking problem part 2.

That should do it. Now you know my secrets.

Part 2 coming soon, things are going to get dark. Also more Danny Brown references.

Is there more to lifting than being really, really ridiculously good looking? - a discussion on the whys and wherefores of weight training

"Trying to get big muscles, are you?" That's what the nurse asked a 17 year old me, wincing like a little bitch, whilst she drilled through my black big toe nail, setting forth a pretty impressive spurt of blood. I'd been playing silly buggers in the gym the day before, tried to roll a 20 kg plate out of my way and ended up dropping it on the very end of my toe. I was thinking about this not-so-fun ordeal the other day whilst looking at my mangled nail and  remembered the nurse's attempt at small talk to distract me from my Evil Dead-esque toe. Of course, back then I knew nothing and her assessment of why I was dicking around with weights was spot on, but that's far from the only reason someone should step into the weights room.

Ask someone about their image of people that lift weights and more often than not their first answer mentions something of vanity, whether they point to oiled up dudes posing in little budgie-smugglers or something akin to the tanned, posturing, vacuous wastes of sperm from Jersey Shore. In truth, there are countless goals people look to achieve through weight training and a huge variety of benefits that people from all walks of life can gain from hitting the iron.

Yeah, if you guys could just cease to exist, that would be great

In our funny little lifting sub-culture, there are 4 main competitive sports (powerlifting, Olympic lifting, strongman and bodybuilding) which are either pure lifting events, or deeply rooted in the world of weights. The people that have an interest in these sports will almost always become avid lifters or conversely, many fledgling iron disciples will find themselves drawn to one or more of these sports. These groups hardly need me to extol the virtues of lifting weights, so what follows is more of a quick primer on each for the uninitiated.

In powerlifting, the competitors (usually huge, bearded, grizzled, half-man, half-bear hybrids) take 3 attempts at each the squat, bench press and deadlift, aiming to lift the biggest weights they can. The competitor that successfully lifts the most weight in all 3 lifts combined in their weight class is declared the winner and general alpha.

I was in no way lying about these guys being part bear

Some competitors are more easy on the eye

Olympic lifting (sometimes, slightly confusingly, known as weightlifting), is unsurprisingly the strength sport which is contested in the Olympics, in addition to more regularly held competitions. It is similar to powerlifting in that competitors get 3 attempts to move the biggest weight they can for each lift and the biggest combined total at the end wins. Here there are only 2 lifts, both concerned with putting the weight overhead; the clean and jerk, in which the weight is moved from floor to overhead in two separate movements and the snatch, which is one movement. I don't know who named the movements, but on behalf of childish weight trainees worldwide, well played.

Pulling a hilarious face is an integral part of the lift

Most people are somewhat aware of strongman contests such as The World's Strongest Man, in which meat titans compete in a variety of strength and power events and generally look bloody awesome whilst doing so.   Common events include moving gigantic weights over a certain distance in the shortest time possible (farmer's walks and the yoke), pressing huge weights overhead (log or axle presses), pulling cars/trucks/buses/obese people on mobility scooters, deadlifting for reps, loading huge stones onto raised platforms (Atlas stones), fighting rhinos and destroying small towns. Basically, they find shit that is impossible for the average man to move, then get these behemoths to chuck it around for your entertainment.

Maybe not the sport for everyone, still really fucking cool.

Everyone knows what bodybuilding is; from the golden era of Arnie et al. to the mass monsters of today, the aesthetic ideal has changed a fair bit, but the general idea remains the same: build muscle, lose fat, strip to your skimpies, pose on stage and get judged on how good you look. Some may think today's bodybuilders look a bit messed up - all big, swole and veiny - like if a boner was a person. Whilst I'd probably tend to agree with you there, bodybuilding is a sport that takes huge, huge dedication, so I've got nothing but respect for guys that compete. There's also a bunch of different divisions now, in which not everyone looks like a human chode. For men there's natural bodybuilding (i.e. not juicy), in which competitors are less monstrous and thus probably more appealing to the average person, and men's physique in which the emphasis is more on aesthetics, less on pure size and definition. Women also get involved; there's women's bodybuilding which is generally a bit scary, women's physique in which the emphasis is on shape, symmetry and definition, and women's bikini which is most men's favourite on lonely nights in.

I don't wanna sound gay or nothin', but those are some good looking fellas.

I feel this is needed. For balance.

In terms of competitive outlets for those that love lifting weights, these are the main routes, but this isn't a complete list; there's things I haven't covered like the Highland Games, which is guys who like to wear dresses (I'm not judging) throwing weights as far or high as they can. There's also Crossfit, which people seem to like, but I'll save my ranting about that whole cult(ure) for another time.

You may now be thinking something along the lines of "I don't give a crap about tanning up and posing in front of judges or pushing my body to lift metric fuck tonnes, why should normal people care about lifting?" Firstly I would commend you on phrasing the question that way, and secondly I would say to read on.

If you play sports, there are very few sports in which your performance will not benefit form putting in some hours with the weights. Need to run faster or jump higher? Weight training will increase your maximal power output and let you do just that; there is even proof that strength and power training improves 3 and 5 km run times, if the slow torture of distance running is your thing. If you play any sport that requires contact, the double benefit of increasing your power and adding muscle to essentially act as body armour makes weight training pretty much indispensable. I don't care how skilled you are at Rugby, if you're 70 kg soaking wet, you are going to get absolutely smashed playing with the big boys, so you better get lifting. Even footballers, the oft mocked skinny boys, can absolutely benefit from strength and power training; just tell me you don't want to play like Akinfenwa.

Would you want to try stop a shot by this man?

What about us non-athletes? I hear the over-dramatic among you cry. Well the good stuff keeps coming. You, like almost everyone, probably want to lose some fat or 'firm up' for summer, well weight training (with a good diet) is the most efficient way to do that. This is because your metabolism is boosted after a heavy weights session as your body repairs your muscles, leading to you burning more calories while sitting around watching The Valleys or some other such shite; the best part being that this extra energy expenditure comes mostly from fat. Due to this metabolism raising effect, weight training generally represents a more time efficient form of calorie burning versus steady-state cardio style training.

You also can't tell me that you enjoy a 40 minute monotonous slog on a treadmill, screw that. Instead go for 40 minutes of heavy squats, presses and rows any day and take the added benefits of added strength (which makes most things in life easier), building muscle (which in itself raises your metabolism just by being there, as well as making you look better), increased bone density, stronger tendons and ligaments (leading to less chance of injury), lower blood pressure, better blood glucose control ....I could keep going but I'll save you and put it simply. Lifting weights is the unabashed balls for anyone, male or female, young or old, who wants to lose fat, 'tone up' or just improve general health markers.

...or lift because this old dude is making you look fat and weak.

Another great aspect of lifting is the mental benefits. There's no doubt that seeing your body transform is a seriously motivating thing and is going to do wonders for your confidence and self esteem. I'm not saying it's a good thing if you turn into a narcissistic dick-bag, but a happy middle ground of being comfortable in your own body definitely is. Then there is the benefit of stress relief; if you have had a shit day, turning that anger into brute force and throwing some metal around is an incredibly satisfying release. Exercise also triggers endorphins to be secreted, which bio-chemically improves your mood (as well as reducing the risk of depression) making you an all around happier person for having a good workout.

A thing that I like about a powerful workout (although this is fairly likely just me being weird) is the feeling of just going primal, getting in touch with the human animal. We humans as a species have descended into a pretty poor state; the chubby, weak, office-bound physical wrecks many of us currently are pales in comparison to the hunter gatherers of a bygone age. Evolutionary biology has the tongue in cheek model of  the things that we as a species are programmed to do, the three Fs - feed, fuck and fight. I won't discuss the first two here, but I'm hoping they are past-times you all enjoy. The third, however, not a lot of us are in touch with (martial arts enthusiasts and anti-social cock holes aside). In my odd little mind, putting your thoughts and worries aside and throwing all your effort and will at an inanimate lump of metal is a good way to keep a bit of that primal spirit alive in you, whilst not getting sectioned. I realise I might sound like a bloody whack job saying this, so I'm going to drop in a fitting quote from an undoubtedly great mind to attempt to back up my ramblings:

Civilised life has altogether grown too tame, and, if it is to be stable, it must provide harmless outlets for the impulses which our remote ancestors satisfied in hunting - Bertrand Russell

Okay, maybe he wasn't talking about lifting per se, but it fits, so fuck you, I'm using it. My point is, there is something raw and just plain awesome about exerting full force, screaming, shouting and giving the weight everything you have got. Sure, it's not quite as awesome as spearing an antelope and carrying it home to feed your tribe, but most zoos frown on that sort of thing. 

Probably not a historically accurate depiction of a cave woman, but a lot better to look at.

The thing is with lifting, it can be a means to an end or an end in itself. Lift because you want to be stronger for next rugby season, lift because you want to improve your 400 m time, lift to increase your numbers for your next powerlifting contest, lift to blow off some steam after a hard day, lift to keep your body from getting frail with age, lift because you simply enjoy it or just lift to look fucking sexy when you get naked.

There aren't many wrong reasons to decide to pick up a weight, but there are a hell of a lot of good ones.

More powders than Johnson & Johnson - Part 2: The beginner's guide to supplements

Part 1 covers proteins, creatine, vitamins, minerals and fish oils; so read that first if you want to know about any of them.

A warning before we start, the title still says beginner's, but some of this is pretty advanced. I'm going to be dropping science on you guys like Cung Le drops heels to the midsection; if you are not prepared for this onslaught, feel free to skip directly to my recommendations at the bottom of the article.

Science is a spinning back kick, you are Scott Smith's broken ribs.

Pre-workouts

This is such a wide ranging class I was hesitant to throw it all under one heading, but as mixed, just-add-water pre-workout supplements are commonplace and popular, I had to talk about them. The general formula for mixed pre-workouts looks something like this: stims, stims, stims, 'pump' inducing compounds, usually creatine, possibly some low level nootropics. For those unfamiliar with the purpose of ingesting a pre-workout, it is to achieve a feeling not dissimilar to this...

Which is great, because they totally do that... for a week or two. You see, your body is pretty smart at adapting to the effects of stimulants and you become resistant pretty quickly; you then have a choice of taking the same dosage for a decreased effect, upping the dosage or laying off stims for a while. The flip side to this is that if you are someone who is very sensitive to stimulants, you might be massively amped for far too long and might have your sleep patterns affected. I have also heard many anecdotal reports of huge energy crashes a couple of hours after using some pre-workouts, I've never experienced this myself but it sounds shit, so is something you may want to consider. Luckily, most companies offer single serving samples of their pre-workouts so you can try before you buy. If you're up and down like a trampoline, don't get it. If it doesn't do shit, don't get it. If it give you a smooth burst of energy and focus with no come down, you might want to consider it.

You might be wondering what the magic compounds are that make you feel like the Hulk on bath salts. Look at the back of a few tubs and you will realise every company has their own mix, usually with a fucking stupid name ("Super explosive pump and holy-shit-balls power matrix"). There are however a few key players which keep popping up:

Caffeine (and/or Guarana) - everyone knows caffeine, most love the stuff whether it comes from tea, coffee, Red Bull, ProPlus or MegaFocusAndMadVeins5000 (patent pending). The effects of caffeine are mainly due to it mimicking adenosine and binding to receptors in its stead. When adenosine binds to receptors, it sedates you, making you feel relaxed and sleepy; caffeine on the other hand, does not. This indirectly leads to increased alertness and the feeling of being awake. This also has knock-on effects to other bodily systems, which would take a while to list.

The point is caffeine has been proven have effects of potent stimulation (big surprise), fat burning, increased power output, decreased perceived exertion (you feel like you are working less hard than you are), increased reaction time and increased serum catecholamine (adrenaline and noradrenaline) levels. So caffeine is a clever little bugger and something you want to be taking in.

The problem with caffeine is the tolerance issue. Right now you exist somewhere on the caffeine tolerance spectrum; a double espresso might make you bounce off the walls, it might do pretty much nothing or it might be necessary to make you feel human. The more naive you are to caffeine, in general, the more awesome using a pre-workout is going to feel, however there is then the potential of over-stimulation or a big come down. Everything in moderation, young grasshopper. Conversely, the yellow-toothed, 8 cups-of-coffee-a-day chugging, caffeine powered drones amongst you will likely not feel shit (and cycling off caffeine for 2 weeks or so is probably a decent idea).

As an addendum: these days caffeine and novel sources thereof are pretty much the only stims you tend to find in pre-workouts. In the past you could find (fairly recently) DMAA and (a while back) ephedra. Sadly these days are gone.

Maybe a bit less of the stims for you two

Arginine - this is an amino-acid that has the effect of blood flow regulation and nitric acid production. For those that don't know, elevated nitric acid levels are what are responsible for 'the pump', the feeling of fullness and vascularity in the muscle being worked. Arginine is found in a bunch of different forms in pre-workouts, this is because different groups are clamped on to it in order to improve absorption, the end goal is always the same though - crazy veins. Unfortunately, while arginine does its job, absorption is pretty poor, a better choice is...

Citrulline - also an amino acid (which along with arginine and othinine makes up the urea cycle), there isn't a lot to say about citrulline apart from it does what arginine does, but better (in terms of workout enhancing). This is because it's absorbed well then turned into arginine in your body, so it's effectively the same thing, just being delivered more efficiently.

Take MegaFocusAndMadVeins5000 and look like this immediately!! (disclaimer: not actually true)

Beta-Alanine - if you have ever taken a pre-workout and felt like your entire body has a not-unpleasant pins-and-needles feeling (known as paresthesia), you are familiar with beta-alanine. It is in most pre-workouts, however tends to be under-dosed (around 5 g is good, around 1 g is usually supplied) and is not necessarily a pre-workout compound per-se as beneficial effects are from chronic, not acute supplementation. Furthermore, whilst the effects are beneficial, they are pretty unsubstantial. Beta-alanine is converted to carnosine in the body, stores of which act as an acid buffer; this has a small increase on muscle endurance (think of 'the burn', now think slightly less burn). That's it.

Taurine - this one might sound familiar - it's commonplace in energy drinks. It's effective for stopping cramps, it can also draw water into muscle cells, adding a very small degree of volume. Fun fact: whilst taurine is not a component of bull piss as some urban legends claim, it was in fact first isolated from a bull's testicle, hence the name.

Just getting my taurine fix...

Tyrosine - an amino acid which is used in the bio-synthesis of adrenaline and nor-adrenaline (remember them?), supplementation at much higher doses than is present in pre-workouts has anti-stress effects on cognition for acute stressors (such as exercise). At the doses this is supplied in most/all pre-workouts, it doesn't do a whole lot.

D-Aspartic acid - this one is less common but crops up here and there, it's believed to act a testosterone booster (and thus should really be cycled like one), but any controlled studies on it to date are pretty sketchy.

Vinopcetine - I've seen this in one or two mixes. Vinopcetine is a nootropic, increasing cerebral blood flow which leads to improvements in cognition and memory. I personally don't think this has a place in pre-workouts, although most tend to hugely under dosed it for any real benefits to be experienced, there has been new research questioning the long term safety of vinopcetine due to adverse effects on dopaminergic pathways.

Choline - or  direct and indirect cholinergic compounds such as DMAE, Alpha-GPC and Huperzine-A. This is a class of compounds I am a fan of. Acetylcholine is a neurotransmitter associated with learning, the levels of which are increased by supplementation with the aforementioned compounds. Increased acetylcholine levels have the benefit of increasing focus and muscle contractions, which is pretty perfect as a pre-workout. These effects are nothing dramatic, but they are nice nonetheless; around 1-2 g (if using choline bitartrate) pre-workout gives the desired effect. Unfortunately again, most pre-workouts under dose this (if present at all), there are benefits from chronic low level dosing of different cholinergics however. These include choline's liver protective abilities and DMAE's reduction of neuron oxidation, in addition to sustenance of methyl donation (necessary for a variety of metabolic processes) by all cholinergics.

Nootropics are a seriously interesting area recently and one I'm keeping a pretty close eye on. I won't go into any more detail here, partly because it is beyond the scope of this article and partly because my knowledge isn't up to the point where I can avoid embarrassing myself.

This is your mind on nootropics

Creatine - this was covered in detail in the first part. As discussed, it is a quality compound; supplement manufacturers tend to put it into pre-workouts as it has known benefits and because most trainees will recognise it in the ingredients list. Also as previously discussed, supplementation of creatine pre-workout has no extra benefit over taking it at any other time, but if you want to take it pre-workout, go ahead.

These aren't the only compounds you'll find in pre-workouts, but they are the usual suspects. Some tubs will have an ingredient list as long as your arm, often a lot of this is variations on the same active molecule with differing absorption modulating groups added ("N.O. X-plode has 5 novel types of creatine!" - no one cares, they all the do the same thing).


Fat burners and the like

A large amount of what is in commercial fat burners is in pre-workouts and vice versa, so if you made it through the above, you will know about most of the compounds in fat burners. There are various other compounds that have been touted as fat burners, either alone or as part of 'stacks', some of which I'll go through below:

CLA - conjugated linoleic acid is a mix of similar fatty acids which supposedly increase fat metabolism. Fitness media and supplement companies alike have made this their little darling; unfortunate then, that it sucks. The theory is pretty, they bind to and activate/inhibit different parts of the peroxisome proliferator activated receptor (PPAR) system, up regulating fat burning in the liver and inhibiting storage in fat cells. Sounds lovely, but the effects are far too weak in humans to do anything much in practice. Forget the hype, believe the science.

I don't need bikini-clad women, I have science...

Synephrine - you'll regularly see this one listed as 'bitter orange extract' or 'Citrus aurantium'.  Remember how I said ephedrine used to be in sports supplements, but is now illegal? This is the best legal alternative. Compared to ephedrine's effects it is weak, but it does have legitimate beta-andrenergic agonist properties. This means it acts like adrenaline and nor-adrenaline (those guys again) albeit weaker; the effects are an increase in basal metabolic rate and lipolysis (fat breakdown). Beta-andrenergic agonists are all synergic with caffeine (i.e. they work better together than the sum of their parts) and synephrine strangely shows good synergism with two compounds found in grapefruit. Some might experience jitters, trouble sleeping or in extreme cases anxiety when taking synephrine, but it is a pretty safe compound for the most part.

Yohimbine - very similar to the above, it works via the same pathways and is essentially a less potent version of ephedrine in its effects. Anecdotally, it appears to be useful for targeting stubborn fat deposits once users are already at low body fat levels. It is also used as an erectile aid and I've heard multiple reports of people pitching tents for no apparent reason when on it, so it might be worthwhile, if only for the comedy element. The downsides to use is that jitters are commonplace and it can bring about anxiety in those that are predisposed.

Blame the pleat all you want.

Green tea extracts - on top of fat burning properties green tea has a host of positive benefits, it has variously shown to be cardio, liver and neuro-protective as well as anti-carcinogenic, diabetic and artherogenic. Green tea is definitely all around good stuff. The only problem with green tea supplements is that 'green tea extracts' is a broad term, you might be paying for nothing more than some crushed tea leaves. The polyphenols present in green tea are responsible for most of these positive effects; unsurprisingly, these can be consumed by just drinking green tea, which is exactly what I recommend. It is worth noting that the fat burning effects of green tea do largely depend on the user being caffeine naive, so you hardened coffee drinks will not derive much of a thermogenic effect.

 Chinese people like green tea and you don't see many fat Chinese people (I'm allowed to say that because it's positive racism, right?)

Carnitine - this and the related ALCAR are claimed to increase fat burning, which they do if (and only if) you are deficient in them. Are you likely to be deficient? Not if you eat animal products in any appreciable quantity, making this of limited use to anyone who has a sensible diet. Vegetarians on the other hand might consider supplementation. It's also probably noteworthy that ALCAR supplementation has shown nootropic effects, but these are nothing particularly special.

Amino acids

Again, many of the interesting amino-acids are covered in the pre-workout or fat-burner section. A few others that are popular are covered below:

BCAAs - not a single amino acid, but a combination of 3 branched chain amino acids (Leucine, Isoleucine and Valine). These are believed to be the most anabolic aminos, with leucine appearing to be the most important for muscle protein synthesis. If your diet is high in protein, BCAA supplementation is not a necessity. They may be of use for increasing muscle synthesis for those with low protein diets (I'm looking at you, veggie). BCAAs become very useful on intermittent fasting protocols in which fasted resistance training is utilised; supplementation (~10 g) before a fasted workout allows for protection from muscle breakdown during the workout with minimal caloric load, therefore retaining the majority of the benefits of fasted training.

Glutamine - regularly claimed to be a muscle builder, reducer of DOMS (next-day muscle soreness) and immune system booster. It may well be all these things, but unless your diet is protein deficient, benefits from supplementation are minor.

HMB - a metabolite of leucine (see BCAAs, above) that is regularly claimed to be great muscle builder. A great muscle builder it is not, at least not compared to leucine, but it is a pretty good anti-catabolic, that is, it prevents muscle breakdown. It might be helpful in limiting muscle loss after major injuries or in times of extended bed rest, other than that, its uses can't justify it's asking price.

I Googled 'amino acid joke', I deserve exactly what I got

My Recommendations

If you've read the entire article to this point, well done; if you've skipped to this point, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.

Here are my supplement recommendations for various groups (which you will fall under more than one of; all recommendations apply). Bear in mind no supplements are vital, people managed before they existed and so can you.

Everyone - the supplements I'd strongly recommend to everyone are Vitamin D and Magnesium. Just below these in importance I would place a good multi-vitamin and fish oils (to those who aren't eating sufficient amounts of fish). A bit further below these in importance  I would recommend creatine monohydrate and further below this, a cholinergic supplement such as choline bitartrate.

Vegetarians/vegans - you tragic people need many more supplements than most to make up for your lacking diets. For veggies, I'd recommend whey (for post training) and casein (for rest days), an algae based omega-3 supplement in lieu of fish oil (this is a far superior choice to flax) and possibly a carnitine supplement (especially if looking to drop fat). For vegans, I'd recommend the same as for veggies, just substituting the protein for hemp and pea powders.

Females looking to lose fat - no specific extra supplements. Drink green tea ad-libitum and up to 4 cups of black coffee a day (I don't consider these supplements, but they fall under the classes I have discussed).

Females looking to gain muscle - a whey protein powder

Overweight males looking to lose fat - same as 'females looking to lose fat', a whey supplement may also be used if engaging in heavy resistance training (which you should be).

Lean males looking to get 'ripped' - whey, your desired choice of caffeine delivery system and green tea ad-libitum. If you are on a significantly sub-maintenance calorie diet then finding a pre-workout you like might be a good idea in order to get you through hard workouts with low energy. Finally, if you know what you are doing, feel free to experiment with synephrine, but make sure you do your research first.

Males looking to add muscle - whey (for post workout) and casein (for rest days, if desired). If you really like pre-workouts you can use them, but when looking to gain muscle you should be eating above-maintenance calories, so should have no shortage of energy to destroy the iron.

Those engaging in fasted training - BCAAs (to be taken pre-training)

You may be wondering where to buy your supplements. I'm not sponsored, so am impartial; however Bulk Powders and MyProtein both offer great quality, pretty much the best prices in the country and are the sites I personally use for all my needs.

If using Bulk powders, putting in the offer code DC40501 at checkout gives you £5 off your first order (assuming it is over £15) and a one-off £5 credit kickback to me. If using MyProtein, the offer code MP18633  nets you 5% discount on your first order and offers me a 1% credit kickback on your future purchases. I see a lot of potential new customers, so would be very grateful if you were to use these codes if you decide to purchase supplements.

Phew, that was a long one (that's what she..), so if you excuse me...

...or you can buy me a drink for all the free information I'm bestowing and then get drunk with me.

More powders than Johnson & Johnson - Part 1: The beginner's guide to supplements

Supplements. Everyone wants to know about supplements. Whether it's asking me what protein they should buy, asking if I'm 'on' creatine or if there is something they can take to transform them into a shredded beast with a 10 inch cock; I seem to get hundreds of questions ranging from the inane to the insane.

Before your mind goes wandering, we're keeping things strictly legal and over the counter here. I have no practical experience with androgenic anabolics and I'm certainly not going to recommend them to beginners, however I do plan to write a post on my views on AAS in the future.

A large part of what drives people to ask a million and one questions about supplements is the allure of the magic potion, some elixir of life type shit that will bring all the benefits of a diet and exercise plan, without the efforts. Get this one out of your head; supplements should be exactly as the name suggest. They are an optional add on to a good diet and exercise programme, not an alternative path. Secondly, advertising hammers you with the message that you need supplements and makes outlandish claims of what is possible if you take their products. Supplements do work (although not all of them); there wouldn't be a market otherwise, but putting your faith in a powder or pill to double your muscle gains is setting yourself up for disappointment. People built muscle, got strong, lean and all that good stuff before the supplement boom; they didn't need them and nor do you. However, if your training routine and diet are in place, supplements do provide something extra, so read on to find what they can offer you.

Lean, muscular and clueless as to what the fuck N.O. X-plode is.

Protein powders

The most commonly consumed and debated of sports supplements, this comes in many forms including whey (of various sub-classes), casein, egg, soy, pea, hemp. Add to that various weight gainers (one or more of the aforementioned proteins plus a shit load of carb powders) and meal replacements (protein plus carb powders, fat sources and usually some vitamins). That's a fair amount of products, so what do you need to worry about? Not a lot.

You see, people like to complicate the issue with protein. Here's my views:

• Don't bother with weight gainer shakes unless you are looking to get 3000+ calories in a day (you probably aren't). Instead learn to eat more and stop being a whiny little bitch.
• Ditto meal replacements, unless you are a legitimately really, really busy person (students: this isn't you) who has genuinely made the effort to eat more, but is struggling.
• If you're eating low calories (< 1500), you'll probably want to get all your protein from solid sources for satiety's sake, unless you have a very poor appetite.
• Whey (derived from milk) is the classic choice and for good reason; it's a cheap, highly bio-available, quick absorbing protein. Want a convenient way to hit your target protein intake on training days? Bang down a whey shake after training.
• Unless you are a high level athlete, don't worry yourself at all about the sub-categories of whey. Get the basic stuff. The minor differences in speed of absorption for acid or hydrolysed whey versus your basic level stuff is nowhere near significant enough to justify the added expense. Add that to the fact that increased absorption speed of a protein does not necessarily lead to increased muscle protein synthesis in the fed state and you should realise that you're better keeping your money in your pocket.
• Don't worry about getting ultra low carb or low fat powders either (all straight up whey powders are pretty low in both carbs and fats), a gram or two here or there isn't going to make a difference.
• One thing that may be worth a note: those that are lactose intolerant to any degree may want to shell out a little more for a extra-low lactose variety to save themselves bubble gut and the infamous protein farts.
• Casein is the other protein in milk and is the second most popular choice of protein supplement; this is the slow absorbing milk protein, the yin to whey's yang (well, maybe not that different). Point is, casein is absorbed by your body at a slower rate than whey, leading to a longer lived, but lower magnitude of blood amino elevation. What does this mean for you in practice? Casein is a worse choice than whey post-workout, but better if you're using it as a protein source for any other meal. If you're the 'breakfast shake' type and  feeling rich, casein is a good choice here due to the sustained amino levels, but using it is far from necessary.
• As an added note for vegetarians: firstly I disagree with your lifestyle choice. Secondly, I would recommend you get both whey and casein supplements as due to your silly diet, getting sufficient protein without added carbs and fats is difficult, making powders a smart choice.
• For vegans: First for the love of God and your malnourished bodies, eat some damn animal products. Secondly, leave the soy (phytoestrogens are not your friends); get some pea and hemp protein.

Apparently protein shakes existed in ancient Japan.

Creatine

"I heard he can rep 4 plates on squats" "yeah, but... he's on the creatine"

I've actually heard shit like the above being said, re-affirming my long held and regularly vocalized belief that most people are bloody idiots.

Creatine is an effective supplement for sure, its main function is to store phosphate groups as phosphocreatine. Once your cell's 'energy currency', ATP, have blown their load and lost a phosphate to become ADP, phosphocreatine can donate a phosphate group to ADP. This reforms ATP and allows it to go back to being a little fucking powerhouse. It's been proven in multiple double-blind randomised studies that creatine increases power output, which is good news for lifters, casual and hardcore alike. It has also recently been shown to have subtle nootropic (smart drug) like effects, enhancing cognition slightly, which is a nice little bonus.

Let's dispel any myths surrounding creatine and educate you as to its use by a series of questions to which each answer is my favourite word: no. Is creatine a steroid? Is creatine bad for your kidneys/liver? Does creatine cause cramping? Do I have to 'load' creatine? Are fancy variants any better than monohydrate in testing? Does creatine need to be taken with a fast acting carb? Does creatine need to be cycled? Does creatine have to be taken at a certain time e.g. pre-workout? Can I get an amount of creatine comparable to what I would take as a supplement just by eating lots of steak and eggs? Are the benefits proportional to dose?

I think creatine is great. Science also thinks it's great. When science and I agree, anyone that disagrees should be sterilised as they are no use to the human race. Creatine monohydrate has a bunch of positive effects on the body and is cheap as chips; get some, take 5 grams a day, profit. Or don't, it's your body.

Yeah it's impressive, but he's on creatine, so....

Vitamins, minerals and fish oils

I've bundled these all into one section as there isn't too much to say about each and most people are already familiar with what vitamin tablets are and how you take them (as suppositories, right?).

Vitamins and minerals - We'll tackle these first, to save myself typing it a hundred times, from now on, when I say vitamins, I mean minerals as well. Theoretically, vitamin supplements shouldn't be necessary as we all should be eating a wide range of vegetables and meats, checking every necessary box. In practice, this doesn't happen. Even those with fantastic diets have their favoured and unfavoured foods leading to most people not getting enough of certain vitamins. Another factor you may be aware of is that due to  soil depletion, the veg you are eating today likely have lower levels of certain vitamins than those your grandparents were eating.

Sort your act out, modern soil.

The best way to supplement with vitamins would be to analyse your diet, identify what you are deficient in and supplement with only those. Hassle. It's much easier to get a good multi. This can be your dietary 'safety net' plugging up any minor deficiencies in your day to day intake.

There is one vitamin and one mineral I recommend as additional supplements, either on top of a multi, or if you decide against a multi (which many do) as your only extras:

Vitamin D - most people in non-equatorial regions are deficient in vitamin D to some respect. I imagine many of you are, like me, from the UK. The land where God turned down the contrast levels. As your body synthesises vitamin D when your skin is exposed to sunlight, all the grey does us no good in this regard, nor do weekdays trapped in an office/lecture theatre/lab/brothel. Vitamin D has a huge list of benefits, so I won't go into detail, but just look what this beast can do - increase cognition, bone and immune health; reduce risk of diabetes, MS, heart disease and cancer and increase testosterone levels in those that are deficient. Vitamin D is a magic little molecule, it's also cheap to supplement with. A point worth noting is that vitamin D is fat soluble, so for best absorption, take it along with a meal that contains some fat.

The sun and Britain are not good friends

Magnesium - the second most common deficiency in the developed world (after vitamin D). Deficiency can lead to undesired neural excitations which may be factors in conditions such as depression and ADHD; it can also leads to elevating blood pressure and poor insulin sensitivity/blood glucose control. Supplementing is again cheap and easy as popping a tablet; magnesium citrate is a good choice as a balance between cost and absorption.

Fish Oils - The best way to get these into your diet is to eat oily fish - I know, revolutionary thinking - but, sardines, mackerel and wild salmon aren't everyone's thing. If you hate fish, supplementing with fish oils is an easy, cheap way to get docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA) in your diet. Why do you want these unpronounceable words in your diet? I'm sure you've heard all about 'omega-3' fats being great, but you probably don't know why. Without getting too deep into the science (and probably over my head); these compounds are stored in cell membranes along with 'omega-6' fatty acids and released as needed. A 1:1 ratio between these two classes of fatty acids is near optimal for the body, however most people have way more omega-6 than omega-3 present. Supplementing with fish oil helps bring this ratio back to where you want it to be which brings a host of benefits.

Mackerel: a gormless little nutrition powerhouse

The benefits of supplementing with fish oil are due to both the improved omega 3 : omega 6 ratios and effects of the fish oil compounds themselves, they include: reduced blood pressure, better HDL (good cholesterol) : LDL (bad cholesterol) ratio, reducing trigycerides, decreased risk/symptoms of depression and ADHD, lower risk of artery plaque build up, reduced risk of diabetes, improved memory and at higher doses decreased muscle soreness, increased rates of muscle glycogen re-synthesis and increased bio-energetic flexibility in muscle cells (that is, the ability to switch between using glucose and fat as an energy source).

If you managed to wade through that, you will probably realise fish oil is pretty good stuff. As initially pointed out, eating fish (minimum 3 portions a week) is your best way of getting it in. If you don't each much or any fish, supplementing with 1 g active DHA and EPA per day (that is more than 1 g of oil, you will have to look at the EPA/DHA proportions on your supplement) is a good idea. If you wish to explore the benefits that are listed as occurring at higher doses, you need to take in around 6 g DHA/EPA per day, but this isn't necessary otherwise.

Shout out to Sol Orwell and Kurtis Frank for making a great site for all this stuff.

Part 2 coming soon - discussing pre-workouts, stuff I think is cool, stuff I think sucks and giving you a simple list of what I think you should consider taking, depending on your goals.

The title? Biggie again.

The Metamorphosis - less Kafka, more jacked bruh

I went home and scanned some old photos solely so you all can laugh at the chubby or gangly mess I used to be (depending on time period) and hopefully then realise that with a bit of work, you can change your body pretty dramatically.

Early years
Elephonto; that's what my brother called me. That in itself should give you an idea of my general shape, but for your amusement, here are some hilarious photos.

Look at this chubby, goofy little fuck.

This was definitely not a regular occurrence. 

I'd like to say this was me at my fattest, in fact these are pretty far from it. I was a little blob, unsurprising as my diet consisted mainly of sweets and pasta. I'm going to assume my parents burned any pictures of me at my peak adipose percentage, probably out of pure shame, can't say I would blame them.

Adolescence
The above were only really provided for your amusement and my humility. Being chubby as a kid is pretty common; once you burst through your early teens and get your growth spurt, however, you end up with a real idea of your body type. Mine was gangly. Really, really gangly.

Tragic hair, hollow bird chest, coat hanger shoulders and biceps thinner than my Father's forearms. 

This was me circa 15 years of age, post deciding I didn't want to be fat and dramatically reducing my food intake, but pre any sort of focussed lifting programme. Tragically, I think I was actually going to the gym now and then in this time frame, I was also playing rugby somehow. I couldn't find any topless photos of myself from this time, which is likely because I was never topless due to having a horrible skinny fat physique. So yes, as you can see: a naturally gifted, genetic freak muscle man, I am not.
I do really think it bears saying twice: my biceps were thinner than my Father's forearms.

Still pale and skinny.

This is at 17, I believe. Clearly I thought I had some sort of appreciable muscle mass, hence the cut-off. Still a hollow bird chest, but I'm possibly starting to resemble a respectable human male here. This was the product of at least a year in the gym. At an age when T levels and growth hormone are off the fucking chart  I must have been training with a ratio of dicking around to achieving actual results that rivals the UK Government.

To the present

As mentioned in my first post, a number of intended and unintended extended lay-offs led to me pretty much maintaining the above muscle mass for about 3 years, but getting leaner from fight training. Around September 2011, I began training (sort of) properly and more importantly started to view training as a learning process. I made the mistakes and learned the lessons and after some time started to enjoy researching the theory behind it all, which is when things actually started coming together. Over this period I managed to naturally add significant amounts of muscle, whilst staying lean enough to see my abs. I'm no mass monster for sure, nor am I shredded to the bone; but take a look at the photo of me when I was 15 and you can see I must be doing something right.
Below are a collection of progress photos I have found hanging around and semi-naked photos I've found on Facebook.

The start of 2012, still pale, but signs of a physique developing.

May 2012 (I believe), putting a bit of meat on the bones.

July 2012. Tanning shorts.

September 2012, I reach a point where I'm actually pretty happy with my physique (Apologies for the degree of nudity).

November 2012 (I think) slowly adding mass.

Valentines day 2013. Loco fam. Not the best picture, but this is the most recent topless shot I can find.

Thus brings us to the end of my documented progress, but never to the end of my quest to get big, strong and jacked. 2013 has been a relatively shitty year thus far for me in terms of progress due to a couple of recurring injuries being complete dicks. I'm not using that as an excuse, that's just the way it is. Fear not though, I fully intend to tell my shoulder and hamstring who the boss is, sort them out and continue on my journey to the summit of physical excellence.
I realise I've talked a lot of journeys and quests; this isn't because I want to be some sort of mountain man. I want to be a mountain, man.

Sit Down, Man - Part 2: Squat variations for trainees of all levels

As this is part 2, it would probably be a wise idea for you to read part 1 first (or do whatever you want because you are a strong independent individual who is in charge of their own destiny; yeah, you go girl).

Now you have a good grasp of the high and low bar back squats (or at least have the required information available to you) we are going to introduce some more variants. This is not (solely) because I'm a sadist and want to point and laugh as you use hobble around the day after trying these, but because all of these variants are effective for different goals and have a valuable place in many training programmes. Please don't mistake me though, back squats are indispensable for most and you can build a great physique and get seriously strong without ever straying from them. These lifts just allow you to add some variety to your routine (I would say fun, but I think that only applies to those with a masochistic streak).

The Front Squat

Staple of Olympic lifters and Dave Croles world over, the front squat separates the men from the boys (and the women from the girls? I might need a new idiom).

Bar position and set up - The non-retarded amongst you might have picked up that the back squat is so-called because the bar rests across the back of your shoulders, so let's have a guess where the bar goes in a front squat. That's right; across the front of your shoulders (hopefully you got that right; otherwise reading about lifting weights, actually lifting weights or simply reading are likely above your abilities). In the front squat you want  the bar to be resting in the meaty meaty fronts of your shoulders (your front deltoid), not the bony part. The bar should be tight up against your Adam's apple (or lack thereof) and your chin should be retracted (or 'neck packed'). Your feet should be as in a high bar back squat, or slightly closer

Grip - There is a choice of hand placement when front squatting, the clean grip or the cross-body grip. I personally use the clean grip as I find it much more stable, but many people lack the flexibility to use it effectively. To set a clean grip, hold the bar symmetrically just outside shoulder width before moving under the bar. Now pull yourself into position under the bar and push your chest up and elbows high; the bar should be in the position described above, your elbows should be high, directly in front of your shoulders, your wrists should be bent backwards towards the floor and just your fingertips should be under the bar. Sound uncomfortable? It might be at first, but once you get used to it, it's incredibly stable and looks bad-ass.

US Olympic lifting beast Kendrick Farris showing the clean grip (this is pretty wide) in the bottom position of a front squat.

Your other option if you are too inflexible to get the clean grip to work or as some people find, it gives you a bit of elbow pain, is the cross-bar grip. To set the cross bar grip, you will get under the bar and set the positioning first, you will then reach across your body to the opposite shoulder with each arm and place a hand on top of the bar. It's important to note that you are not grasping the bar, simply placing your hand on it to secure it.

Golden era bodybuilder Dave Draper using the cross-bar grip

The movement - as before, big breath, tense the core, keep the chest up and importantly here keep the elbows high (whichever grip you are using). If you let your elbows come down too far, you will either drop the weight in front of you or find yourself supporting the entirety with your arms. The front squat is more of a straight up and down movement that back squatting, most of the movement takes place at the knee and the torso remains fairly upright. Due to this, front squats tend to be more friendly to the lower back, they also engage your abdominal muscles to a much greater extent. It is generally easier to hit depth on front squats due to the shift in centre of mass, so you should squat ass to grass before reversing the motion. Again drive through the heels, force the knees out and here you will want to drive the elbows up as well to prevent yourself folding in two like a deck chair. You'll likely notice after a few sets that this motion of driving the elbows up requires a good amount of upper back strength. This is why I love front squats, they expose weak links; you need strong abs and upper back to stay upright in addition to strong quads to power yourself up. Fear not though; start light, work up and the results will be great.

It's a video of me again, lucky you. Clean grip, ass to grass:

Goblet Squats

Goblet squats are a useful regression, teaching tool or finisher for squat workouts. Goblet squats are one of the easiest forms of squat to learn and can help ingrain the groove of proper technique, they are also useful as a warm-up.

The set up - grab a dumbbell and place it on its end on a bench so the handle is vertical. Grab under the top weight plate with with both hands so that your palms support the weight evenly and your fingers are point up the side of the weight. Bring the weight to just under your chin. You should look like you are about to take a gulp from a bloody massive goblet of wine (you lad, you) hence the name. Alternatively use a kettlebell and grasp the handles.

The movement - this is identical to a back squat. Shoulder blades back, chest out, break at the hips first, push the hips back whilst bending the knees to descend. You should descend to the point where your elbows are inside your knees. If you are doing the movement as a warm up you may want to move slightly side to side and up and down when in the bottom position to loosen your hips for further squatting. The reversal should be as before, push through the heels and drive the hips and shoulders up at the same rate, finishing the movement by using the glutes to push the hips through.


Paused Squats

These aren't for the faint of heart. The concept is simple, but the extrusion is brutal.
You can perform these for any of the squat types outlined so far (although it is somewhat pointless with goblets). You set up exactly as you would for a regular squat; get tight (this is extra, extra important here), descend to the lowest position, then you stop. Yep, stop. Stay tight, hold the position for anywhere from a 2 count to a 10 count, then as powerfully as you can, explode upwards in exactly the same manner you would in a regular squat.

The reason these are so hard is the 'breaking of the kinetic chain'. When you perform a regular squat, you take advantage of the elastic stretch reflex in your muscle, even if you don't realise you are. The isometric hold at the bottom position in paused squats is long enough that you no longer can use the stretch reflex and have to initiate the movement from a dead stop; this takes a lot of effort. Secondly the bottom position is hardest part of the squat in which to stay tight, stopping here for a few seconds forces you to really focus on staying tight, so has great benefits for your stability.

I wouldn't recommend you try these until you are very comfortable with squat technique and can lift some respectable numbers. When you do come to give them a go, my suggestion is to use around 60% of your respective rep max, pausing for an honest 3 count in the hole and working in the 3-6 rep range.

No discussion of paused squats (or fronties) would be complete without watching a video of Klokov being the ultimate male:

Jump Squats

Again, not for the faint of heart and not for those who don't have solid technique and decent strength already. These, like paused squats are beautifully simple in premise and brutally effective in practice.

Using a high bar squat (low bar can fall off too easily and front will probably hit you in the chin), set up and descend as usual. Once you hit depth explode with all the force you can muster out of the hole and all the way through the upwards motion until you soar gloriously to a majestic height of about 4 inches off the floor. Land, reset your feel if necessary and repeat.

I like to actively pull the bar down into my traps when performing these as this prevents the bar from leaving your shoulders and landing in a potentially painful spot. As with pause squats, start low with the weight you use; 50-60% of your respective rep max for 3-6 reps works well. For real masochists, pause squats and jump squats can be combined ...enjoy that one.