The title is from Janelle Monáe's song Q.U.E.E.N. featuring Erykah Badu; which starts as some funky, soul-filled, R&B guilty pleasure and ends with Monáe dropping a verse that puts 99.9% of rappers to shame.
Quadruple Olympic gold medallist Allyson Felix showing that good glutes are what you need for athletics and aesthetics.
Bootys, butts, bums, glutes; call them what you will, as Miss. Monáe states, they don't lie. Having a strong and well developed posterior is desirable for both sexes for various reasons. The glutes main roles are as the prime movers in hip extension, hip abduction and in external rotation of the leg, they are mainly fast twitch with huge force production capability and high resistance to fatigue. In layman's terms this means your bum is involved if you want to turn your knee outwards, push your leg out to the side or behind you. Once you realise the function of the glute it becomes clear why they are so important for peak athletic performance; sprinting, jumping, lunging, direction changes/side-stepping, skating, it's all driven primarily the the glutes. Glutes are also important in a more passive way, giving stability to the hips, pelvis and lumbar, maintaining proper posture through leg and pelvic alignment to keep your 'lower cross' in balance and ward off the back pain and decreased performance that accompanies anterior pelvic tilt. In fact, there are multiple studies directly linking weak and/or inhibited glute function with lower back pain.
Enough science shit. Time for gratuitous booty pictures.
Boring phsiology over with, the main reason we want good glutes is because of how they look. Whether a man is a boob guy or bum guy, they appreciate a good set of glutes, but also likewise, women don't want a pancake-assed man, sporting strong glutes is just as important for any male as it is females. If you are a girl reading this thinking that you don't pay much attention to the junk in a guy's trunk, you probably should. Remember a few sentences ago when I was talking about glutes being the muscle responsible for hip extension? Well, big, powerful glutes mean big, powerful hip extension... maybe something to think about.
I would say this is for the ladies but with the amount of men with huge guy crushes on Klokov, I'm not so sure.
Unfortunately, due to most of us spending many hours of the day sitting on our bums and not doing shit, we have terrible muscle tone (in the strict usage of the term, that is, passive contraction). Our glutes are lazy, they are overly relaxed from not doing anything all day and as such, when we want to call them into action they don't contract and produce force to their full potential. Further to our glutes being sleepy through under-use, they suffer also from 'reciprocal inhibition' from our hip flexors. The angle of our hips when we sit means our hip flexors (located in the front 'hip crease') are chronically flexed and short; when a muscle contracts, the opposing muscle relaxes, thus our tight, contracted hip flexors cause our glutes to turn off. What also happens with many people is that here the piriformis muscles will 'pick up the slack' for the glutes, working overtime and as such also becoming chronically tight. Therefore, the first step for most should be the activation of the glutes, stretching of the hip flexors and potentially soft tissue work to roll out any knots and maintain good tissue quality in our prized assets.
Whoever is in charge of Reef's marketing is a true visionary.
Glute activation routine
Soft tissue work (optional) - this is easy but generally not fun. Get a firm foam roller or a lacrosse/hockey/tennis ball, put it under your bum and slowly roll over the whole glute area. There will be 'hot spots', especially around the piriformis area which usually manifests itself as some hella pain when you roll over the dimple on the outside of your cheek. Work on these until pain subsides and you feel the muscles loosen and any knots or tightness release. The enjoyability of this increases greatly if performed in a private setting with a partner.
Pictures of foam rolling are not as enjoyable as this.
Hip flexor stretches - Perform a deep lunge with your rear knee on the floor, push your hips forward until you feel a pull in the front of the hip of the rear leg, being careful not to let your lower back over-arch. Hold for 20-30 seconds a couple of times each side, this is a useful stretch to do multiple times a day if possible. 4 point extension - On all fours (hold the jokes please), extend one leg straight behind you until it is parallel to the ground or just above and squeeze the glute hard for a 3 count, repeat on the other side.
Not perfect form here, but she can do whatever she wants as far as I'm concerned.
Half-keeling contraction - get down like you are going to pop the question, then contract the glute on the kneeling side hard, thrusting your hip forward a few inches. Focus on the contraction, not the thrusting movement as you don't want the force to come from your lower back. It is helpful to put a hand in the glute to make sure you can feel the contraction and change in shape of the muscle. Glute bridge - This builds the foundation of many of the great glute building exercises, so it is important that you get a good feel for it. Lie flat on your back with your legs at somewhere around a 60-90 degree angle and your feet flat on the floor. From here push through your heels and contract your glutes hard to push your hips up so your body forms a straight line from shoulders (which are in contact with the floor) to knees. Make sure it is a hip hinge and not some messed up spine rolling motion that is getting you from the start to the end, also make sure to again not over-arch the lower back.
I'm going to be stealing loads of technique pictures/videos because I can't be bothered to make them myself. Deal with it.
Hip hinge - This again is a foundation move and is probably the most important single movement to master in all of weight training. Stand with feet shoulder width apart and knees unlocked, cross your arms on your chest or place your hands on the back of your head (you can add a weight if you are a stronger trainee). From here, bend at the hips, pushing your bum backwards whilst keeping your lower back flat. You should feel a stretch in your hamstrings and glutes, when you feel this, powerfully flex your glutes to reverse the movement, squeezing hard at the end like you are trying to crack a walnut between your cheeks. Clamshell - Lie like you were setting up for a glute bridge and got flipped on to your side. From here, keep your feet together and rotate your upper leg outwards so your knee points towards the ceiling whilst keeping the rest of your body still, stronger trainees can wrap a resistance band around their knees. It's probably best to avoid eye contact with anyone whilst doing this one.
Alternatively, maintain eye contact throughout to really woo a potential mate
A run through of 8-12 reps of each of these moves (in whatever order you like) fits well as a warm up for most, some less experienced trainees might find these feel like a workout in and of themselves, that is okay, a few rounds of these exercises plus a few of the less advanced exercises from below will make a great beginner training session.
This isn't anything to do with what I'm describing, I just like it.
Glute building moves SQUAT!!!! - No shit right? If all the borderline pornographic pages on Facebook haven't clued you in, squats build good bums. Squats are indispensable for their total leg building properties, they may not be the prime exercise for a focused glute workout, but still should absolutely be a staple in your routine. I've written all about squats previously in a 2 part article which you can find here and here. A small tweak which is useful when looking for specific glute work is to focus on pushing the glutes back in the descent and then contracting hard and bringing your hips forcefully forward over your feet, squeezing hard at lockout.
Dat lockout.
Deadlift variations - All deadlift variants will hit the posterior chain, including the glutes, hard; however some variants will cause people with weak glutes to over-compensate with the hamstrings and lower back muscles, whereas other variants are far more conducive to feeling the glutes working. The standard conventional deadlift from the floor is a lift that I feel falls into the first category for a large percentage of people, at least until the lockout portion of the lift. Therefore, whilst the full conventional deadlift should again be a staple in your routine, for glute building purposes there are variants which can benefit us more.
Multiple powerlifting world record holder Dan 'The Boss' Green showing that big glutes mean big lifts
The first of these is deadlift lockouts/rack pulls. Set the safety pins in the power rack to around or just above knee level and place a loaded bar on the pins. Set your feet to your normal width for deadlifting, bend at the hips and knees whilst keeping a flat back, grip the bar and forcefully lock out the weight by contracting your glutes hard and pushing your hips forward (just like in the 'hip hinge' warm up) while also pushing through your heels to lock out your knees, again take care not to over arch your lower back. Lower the weight (don't try to lower it too slowly as this can be sketchy) to a dead stop on the pins, reset and pull again. You will likely find that you can use large amounts of weight here and feel a pretty strong glute contraction.
Second we have Romanian deadlifts or Dimel deadlifts, these two are very similar in execution, with a Dimel deadlift essentially being Romanian deadlifts performed for high reps with a fast tempo. Either way, set up as you would for a normal deadlift with a fairly light weight, then lift the weight to the lockout position. From here keep a straight back and a soft bend in the knees, push the hips backwards until you feel a stretch (it might not be a very large range of motion), then forcefully reverse the motion by contracting the glutes. It is essentially the hip hinge from the warm up with a weight in your hands. The differences between this movement and the rack pull are here there is a lesser degree of knee bend, you lower the weight under control and do not pause between reps.
Glute bridges and hip thrusts - I really love squats and deadlifts, but I must admit, whilst bridges and thrusts make you look like the guy who forgot how to gym, they really are the king when it comes to focussing on booty building. There are many variations of these to cater to all levels. The basic movement as outlined in the warm up doesn't change. To make this even easier (which most shouldn't really need) you can start with your feet elevated on a bench, to make it harder lay your upper back on a bench. For most people these bi-lateral, unloaded bridges will still be too easy to use as anything other than a warm up. The obvious solution to this is to load up, go unilateral or a combination of both!
For weighted glute bridges, load a barbell with at least one full diameter plate, lay on the floor, roll it over your legs to your hips and set up as you would for the glute bridge. Get the barbell fitting snug in your hip crease, secure it with your hands and bridge, contracting your glutes hard and lifting the barbell with your hips, squeeze hard and briefly pause at lockout to really feel that booty working hard like you never have before.
In short: you hump the bar
Weighted hip thrusts are identical in the mechanics of the movement, however here your upper back rests on a bench (pick one that is nice and padded). This gives you an increased range of motion and a stronger contraction at lockout, generally making it a better choice of movement if you have the available equipment. It is recommended that you pad the bar for these otherwise they can be uncomfortable, especially at higher weights. I recently did 140 kg for reps with an un-padded bar, which was a bloody stupid idea. Be smart and use protection, kids.
Just bar hump your way to a better booty
As I said before, the other way to up the ante on bridges/thrusts is to go unilateral. The easiest of these would be the single leg glute bridge, it's not rocket surgery, set up like you would for a normal glute bridge, push to the top of the movement then straighten the knee of one leg so it's off the floor, lower yourself then push through the grounded foot and flex the glute hard to bring your hips up. Repeat with the other leg. Next up in terms of difficulty we have the single leg hip thrust, which by now I have faith that you can figure out yourselves. Then if we really want to push things, we can add weight to either of these variations. The great thing about the unilateral variations is that they tend to not need a lot of added weight so are much more comfortable when using a barbell compared to bilateral variations; personally I have been using sandbags for these which works nicely, but you can use whatever works for you; barbell, dumbell, EZ bar, sandbag, just grab something, throw it over you hips and hump upwards to build that bum.
The above exercises allow you to move the most weight and I feel should make up the majority of your glute training, making them pretty much a lock for your routine. There are a few other honourable mentions, that are very worthy of a place as further accessory movements if you have the equipment and energy to do more.
It's been a little while since the last gratuitous glute shot.
Walking Lunges/Bulgarian split squats - I group these together as they are mechanically fairly similar. Both can be performed with bodyweight (for beginners), holding dumbells (which is easier for balance as long as you can hold the dumbells) or with a barbell (which is necessary with larger weights). To perform walking lunges, pick up your dumbells or position the barbell across your traps and take a large step forward with one leg. Sink down until the rear knee just touches the ground (at this point ideally your front shin should be roughly vertical, learn to gauge your step so this is the case) and then drive upwards, contracting the glutes. Step forward with the rear leg moving into the lunge position with the opposite leg forward and repeat.
I couldn't find a lunge photo with sufficient nudity.
If you lack the space for walking lunges, Bulgarian split squats are an ideal alternative, I slightly prefer lunges as there is less of a balance demand, meaning you can focus more on contraction, both exercises will whip your butt into shape though. To perform the BSS set up a bench at around knee height at the back of the platform which you are using, grab your dumbells/barbell, stand with your back to the bench, then lift one leg behind you and place the top of your foot flat on the bench. Ideally for maximal glute recruitment you want to be as far from the bench as you can be without having an excessive stretch on your hip flexor in the bottom of the movement or experiencing any over arching of the lower back. Sink straight down until your rear knee lightly touches the floor (you might want to put a foam mat under your knee) then drive straight back up, contracting your glutes to lockout. Descend for subsequent reps without moving your feet. Switch legs and repeat.
Bulgarian split squat as demonstrated by some bald jacked guy with a terrible tattoo
Back extension/Glute ham raise (GHR) - These two again share similar ground in terms of mechanics, with a GHR essentially being a back extension plus a hamstring curl. Both of these exercises also need specialised bits of kit, which if your gym is lacking you are pretty much out of luck, some people try to 'hack' the movements and perform them without the specialised equipment (like performing a back extension off a bench), but these tend to not feel right and don't do the movement proper justice. That said, if your gym has a back extension rig/roman chair, you're in luck. You perform the back extension by hooking you feet under the pads/bar at the bottom and leaning forward on the support pad, the top of which should be a couple of inches below your hip crease (look at the picture below if that didn't seem to make sense). You start with your body fully straight facing the floor, from here hip hinge until you feel a stretch in the hammies and glutes then (like I keep saying) forcefully contract your glutes and push your hips forward to pull yourself back straight to lockout, once again taking care not to over arch the lower back . This exercise is also known as the hip extension which I far prefer, as the motion should be coming entirely from the hip, not the spine (although your spinal erector muscles will still be working to keep your back straight). This is essentially a super strict hip hinge at an angle which causes you to work harder against gravity. If you are strong, you can load these up by holding a dumbell/plate behind your head or across your chest, alternatively you can position a barbell in front of you and hold it with a snatch (very wide) grip, which is a great posterior chain exercise for more advanced trainees.
Gazing majestically into the distance is an important part of this exercise
Unfortunately GHR machines are far more scarce at gyms that they should be, as the movement is an absolute winner for fully building the posterior chain. If your gym does happen to have a GHR machine, you are living the dream, use it regularly and use it lots, also thank your gym owner for knowing his/her shit. A GHR rig looks a bit like a back extension rig (above), with a few differences in its design and therefore use; the pad is in a 'half moon' shape and sits lower on the quads with the knees just behind the pad, this allows you to perform a hip extension (squeeze the glutes) and then a subsequent hamstring curl as the point of contact between your legs and the pad 'rolls' over the rounded pad. The foot pads are also raised to the same level as the hip/quad pad, so you should be roughly parallel to the floor at lockout of the hip extension and roughly vertical at the end of the hamstring curl. That description might be a little lacking so here's a picture of a good looking lady doing the movement.
Good work, good looking lady.
I'm feeling extra generous here, so I will also write some basic outlines of sample workouts for a glute focussed 'leg day'. These are just ideas, so feel free to use them or completely ignore them and just pick bits you like from the article to fit into your own routine, I won't be offended.
Beginner glute workout Glute activation routine - 3 rounds (only roll/stretch once) Squats - 3 sets x 8 reps with ~70% of 1 rep max (or a weight which is challenging but lets you complete all reps with good form) Rack pulls - 3x5 ~75-80% 1RM Hip thrust/glute bridge variant - 3x8-12 (choose a variant which allows you to get a challenging 8 to 12 reps with good form, I'd recommend unloaded uni-lateral hip thrusts for most trainees with a focus on good form and feeling the contraction of the glute)
If cardio is desired, using the stepper and performing big steps can further blast the booty.
It might seem hard, but for this, it's totally worth it.
Advanced glute workout Glute activation routine - 1 round Squats - 5 work sets (work up to 5 RM with good form, decrease weight by 10% and perform another set, aiming for 6 reps with good form, decrease weight by another 10% and perform 3 more sets, aiming for 8 reps with good form) RDL/Dimel deadlift - 3x8-12
alternatively Back extension - 3x8-12
alternatively GHR - 3x6-12 ( the wider rep range is due to the difficulty of GHR; if you cannot perform 6 reps un-weighted, get stronger using other exercises first) Weighted hip thrust/glute bridge variant - 3x8-12 Walking lunges - 3 rounds of 8-12 lunges each side (space permitting)
alternatively BSS - 3x8-12 each side
Stepper can again be used if for some reason you want to do cardio.
So there you have it, DC's guide to great glutes. Hopefully moving into 2014 we'll see none of this...
As usual, we have a post title lifted from some of my favourite hip hop; this time it is so called after a track from El-P and Killer Mike as Run The Jewels' self-titled, free, highly critically acclaimed début album.
So 'tis the season of rampant consumerism and terrible songs on loop in celebration of the birthday of a guy that was essentially the David Blaine of 2000 years ago, but his tricks were apparently so good, people are still going on about them. There are however, some good aspects of this holiday season; time off work to relax, see friends, enjoy time with your family and most importantly stuff delicious food into your fat face until you are uncomfortably full, then repeat hours later. While most people don't have 5 kg of extra fat on their Christmas list, that seems to be pretty much what they get every year. What this article will hopefully share with you are some strategies that you can use (along with some willpower) to make sure this year you can have a lean Christmas (in the good sense), as it's not 'bulking' if you are just getting fucking fat.
Jacked Santa said all you're getting for Christmas is the gift of "Stop being a little bitch"
For most people the 24th - 31st of December become an absolute physical shit show, where the most activity they get is repeatedly lifting copious of food and alcohol from the table to their mouth. While short overfeeds can actually be very useful in the war on fat (as explained in a previous article). Week long food binges are not. When you overeat a whole host of processes are triggered in your body; insulin levels rise which decreases the mobilisation/oxidation of fat and increases the storage of nutrients as fat/glycogen/muscle. Parasympathetic nervous system activity is increased, which means you feel relaxed and sleepy and probably can't be bothered to move. Thyroid hormones (T3 and T4) are released in increased quantities, this will serve to temporarily up regulate metabolism as your body attempts to burn through the piles of food you have just eaten. Thermogenesis will increase due the the thermic effect (TEF) of all the food you have just eaten; ever had meat sweats after eating half the turkey? That's TEF. As we can see, not all of these things are bad, thus is why short bursts of overeating work. It is when overeating becomes chronic (say, for a week) that the negative aspects such as high insulin and down-regulated fat mobilisation will become real issues. Furthermore, adding alcohol to the gamble can really start to mess with things as this will down-regulate both carbohydrate and fat oxidation, meaning pretty much everything you eat will go straight to storage.
Turns out Santa has a pretty sweet deal
This leads us to my first tip: endeavour not to eat big and drink big on the same day.
Preferably, keep the alcohol consumption low in general, but I know for many this just won't happen. Instead, when you are sitting down for your big Christmas meal, keep in mind that if you want to get stupid drunk with only your family as company, you are fucking weird. Also keep in mind that if you are drinking, all those delicious calories are going to end up on your belly/ass/hips/chins/bingo wings/eyelids ...you get the idea. Most will then probably be going out for drinks with friends on some other day in the festive period (Boxing Day Pub Crawl, anyone?), if this is the case, I am not going to tell you to moderate consumption (other than don't kill yourself), moderate your food intake instead. Luckily, I have already written at length about this here. In general, eat loads of veggies and lean meat, keep fat intake very low throughout the day and only eat a moderate amount of carbs at least 3 hours before you plan on drinking. Then when you are getting boozy, preferably drink low-calorie drinks, don't eat during/after drinking, just hydrate well when the night is done and go to sleep.
Andreas Cahling has no time for binges like you weak people.
On to the second tip: Do some exercise around your food binge.
This tip is split into two, the first option is preferable but is potentially not feasible on Christmas day. The second option is your back-up plan and the only thing stopping your from implementing that is pure laziness. Option 1 is to perform a glycogen depleting workout prior to your food binge, the best way to deplete your glycogen stores will be an intense, hi-rep weight lifting (15-20 reps) workout, hitting as many major muscle as possible in your workout. This glycogen depletion will mean that your muscle's "fuel tanks" are running low, as such, a large portion of the approaching food-gasm will end up re-fuelling your muscles, rather than sitting on your waistline. Now, I realise that this is impractical for most people as not everyone will have the time or facilities to perform such a workout on Christmas morning. Enter Option 2; around half an hour before and an hour after you inhale the same amount of calories that the entirety of Ethiopia has consumed this year, perform 60-90 second contractions for a few major muscle groups. I'd recommend something like a set of squats, a set of push ups (or a scaled back version) and a set of inverted rows. This will only take a few minutes but will serve to active so-called GLUT4 receptors in your muscle by moving them to the surface. GLUT4 receptors are responsible for directing glucose after ingestion, by performing these brief exercises you are able to preferentially direct the food you eat towards your muscles and lesser so towards your belly, albeit with less efficacy than if you took option 1.
Sure he's old and fat, but he has the right idea
Tip number three: Try to minimise the insulin response from your meal.
There are a few ways to do this, the first, best and arguable easiest is to primarily eat meat and veg with lesser quantities of starches and sugars; meat is the best part anyway, you can disagree if you are content with being wrong. By not going too overboard on the starchy and sweet stuff, your insulin won't go too mad, which will go a great ways to limiting the amount of fat you store (if any). Another strategy is to have a planned first meal which is high in protein and fibre, but not fat or simple carbs; this lets you take advantage of the "second meal effect". This refers to the fact that following a high fibre meal, a subsequent meal will have a lower glucose and insulin response as well as less effect on triglyceride levels, all of which are beneficial if you wish to remain jacked and pale (because, really, who is tanned at this time of year?). A third strategy which is easy to implement is to drink green tea throughout the meal, this has a two-fold effect; first the green tea flavanols serve to improve your response to secreted insulin. Second, the caffeine serves to speed up the transit of food through your digestive tract, whilst this isn't optimal when we want to extract all the nutrition from our food, but when we are hugely overeating, a degree of incomplete digestion serves as a convenient damage control strategy. A final strategy is to consume citrus (grapefruit, lemon or lime) as part of your meals, as these foods serve to decrease the insulin response of a meal, probably the easiest way to do this is to squeeze half a lemon in every cup of green tea that you should already be drinking.
Anyone who thinks that potatoes come close to being the best part of this meal should be sectioned
Tip number four: consider implementing intermittent fasting on the days around your binges.
I have previously discussed intermittent fasting at length. When implemented the day after a food binge, IF just feels pretty natural as you will probably be a disgusting bloated mess, so a morning of not eating, just drinking water and giving your digestive system a rest is probably exactly what you feel like doing. You can also implement a longer than normal fast as a means of calorie restriction to help offset the huge calorie surplus on binge days. As an added bonus a fast will also serve improve insulin sensitivity, which will play into tip 3.
So there you have it, a few dietary tips to reduce the impact of the holiday spread. So Merry Christmas, Happy New year and don't get too fat.
If you are wondering about the title, it is from The Morning by the The Weeknd. If you are unfamiliar with The Weeknd, you are missing out on literally the greatest sexy-time music created. He definitely wasn't singing about lifting, but I don't care, it's an absolute tune.
This one will be old hat to anyone that has talked to me for any amount of time on the subjects of health, fitness, physique and looking jacked and tan. My thoughts are pretty straightforward - if you are an adult without any debilitating medical conditions, you should be lifting or at the very least performing some sort of anaerobic exercise on a fairly regular basis. This tends to be an easy message to convey to guys; most fellas want to look significantly more like Arnold and less like themselves and thusly will realise that they should be lifting more and generally being less shit than they currently are. Whether they follow through on these thoughts is entirely up to the mental/testicular fortitude of said male, but at least most know that lifting is the unsurpassed means to the ends of a better body.
No hetero
The fairer sex, on the other hand, present a different challenge. Whilst some females are now warming to the weight room and the idea of women lifting is becoming more mainstream, many woman are stuck in the misguided "weights for men, cardio for women" mindset. What I plan to present here, with my usual semi-factual, highly opinionated, sometimes funny, always obnoxious style, is my treatise on why the world would be a better place if all women lifted weights. If you are reading this and happen to be the proud owner of a cock and balls, then it goes without saying that you might not gain a whole lot from the process, but feel free to pass my arguments on to any and all females in your life, that is assuming you want them to become significantly more awesome in every way.
Men can also stick around for more of this sort of thing
Most females find themselves exercising, whether inside the consecrated ground of the temple of iron or in some lesser venue, with the aim of losing some fat and 'firming', 'toning' or 'tightening'. Firstly a minor aside; the phenomena that are supposedly described by those last 3 words don't mean anything in a physiological sense, they are buzz words, created by advertisers and thrown around by people that don't know their HIIT from their tit. When it comes to changing your physique, there are two process that you need to concern yourself with, the loss of fat and the gain of muscle. That is all; as far as you are concerned, one of these processes should always be your goal. 'Firming' is not the body's response to resistance training, muscle building is; 'tightening' of the midsection will not be the product of endless sit-ups, however fat loss will occur with hard training and proper diet. Minor diatribe over and back to the original programme, if fat loss is your goal, you may mistakenly think that hours and hours of steady state cardio, pounding the treadmill or revolving your life away on the elliptical is the best route to a leaner you. The truth, as you may have guessed, is that weight training, specifically lifting heavy using large compound movements (such as the squat, deadlift and overhead press) is in fact the most efficient use of your time and effort in your quest to lose some wobble.
Take heed.
A weight lifting session will cause 'micro-trauma' to your muscles, this may sound a bit terrifying, however this is a good thing as your body will go about repairing these tiny tears in your muscle fibres and in the process making the muscle slightly bigger and stronger. You might now think this has precisely dick all to do with fat loss, however hold your proverbial horses as we delve a little deeper. This repair of micro-trauma requires an energy input, this means that for a period of around 24-72 hours your rate of energy expenditure (i.e. metabolism) will be significantly increased. This depends on the volume and intensity of your workout with studies showing that heavier weights (in the 6-8 rep range) are the most beneficial. This essentially means that the day(s) after a hard workout, you are burning fat whilst you are out buying handbags and tampons (or whatever girls do in their free time, I don't know). Another factor to consider is that the new muscle tissue that you will be building is highly metabolically active, with each extra kilo of muscle raising your basal metabolic rate by around 80 calories a day. Over the long term these increases add up, leading to a leaner, hotter you.
I'm not a big fan of Crossfit, but I am a big fan of Crossfit girls
Whilst aerobic cardio training has it place, and can be effectively used for weight loss, the result is tends to be just that: the loss of weight, from both fat and lean tissue. It should go without saying that this is not a favourable situation as the hours of time invested in the treadmill lead to you becoming a smaller version of yourself; you may weigh less but there will likely be no significant improvement in body composition, with all the jiggly bits you didn't like probably remaining jiggly. This mainly comes down to hormones; low intensity long duration exercise gives little to no boost (or even drops) to endogenous testosterone and growth hormone levels. As previouslyexplained, these hormones are vital, even for females, if looking lean and sexy is your goal; this is because these hormones promote the growth of lean tissue and the burning of fat. To add insult to injury, long duration aerobic activity causes a large increase in your bodies cortisol levels. Cortisol is a stress hormone which serves to break down tissue, this includes fat, which of is nice, but also includes lean muscle tissue and as we all know, there is nothing more tragic than the loss of sweet, sweet gains. It also causes an increase in appetite, so the fat loss effects might well be negated if you succumb to the cravings for delicious, sweet, comforting carbs that tend to hit as the product of excessive cardio exercise.
If there's two things I love...
Anaerobic exercise (i.e. lifting or high intensity work such as sprints), on the other hand, promotes the specific lossoffat and gain/sparing of lean muscle tissue. This is because, as previously mentioned, there is a large calorie burn effect on the hours post-exercise (which isn't achieved with aerobic exercise) but also importantly because of the hormonal milieu that is created in your body. When it comes to changing your body composition, you cannot think of the body as purely a calorie in vs. calorie out 'furnace', hormones are highly important as they essentially signal to your body what tissue should be broken down and what tissue should be built. High intensity weight training will not raise cortisol as much as extended duration cardio, as such the environment which leads to breakdown of muscle tissue is not reached. As I have written in past articles, heavy weight training will serve to increase your testosterone and growth hormone levels, which are key to a lean, muscular, 'tight' physique, rather than the small soft physique which is regularly the product of endless hamster wheel aerobic training.
This photo of a hot girl standing near a barbell totally proves my point
So we have established that weight training is a hugely beneficial route to losing fat and keeping it off, but the reasons that damsels should get acquainted with the dumbells don't end there. To state the completely bloody obvious, lifting heavy weights will build muscle; to state the slightly less obvious, muscle building is something females should be looking to achieve. Now I know, I know, you aren't trying to be a bodybuilder, you don't want to get 'huge', you are scared of 'looking manly' and so on, so on. In truth, building muscle will add curves, make you look 'toned' and 'firm' (shoot me now for using those words) and add to a more feminine, shapely overall appearance. Legs, bums and tums end up looking far better from a diet of heavy squats deadlifts and hip thrusts than they ever will from hours on the elliptical; arms and shoulders will look much more shapely from diligent training of heavy presses and rows than they will from spending hours waving around 1kg dumbells in some terribly named aerobics class. Instead, heavy weight training will force your muscles to adapt to the stresses you are imposing on them and grow stronger, denser and slightly larger, leading to a more firm, sculpted body.
As she's doing strongwoman, she undoubtedly lifts heavy as hell and damn is it doing good things.
World record holding powerlifter Caitlyn Trout lifts more than almost every guy you know.
If you are still worried about somehow getting too big, consider that no one has ever had a couple of weight sessions and suddenly realised they are fucking jacked; building muscle is a very slow process, so the chances of accidentally waking up one day and being 'too big' are about as likely as Rick Ross waking up with healthy blood pressure. Furthermore, as a female you have at least five times less testosterone than the most effete man, with typical values more like one tenth to one twentieth. This means that the muscle building potential for females is significantly less than that of men; women literally don't have the balls to get huge.
It's only fair to give the ladies something to look at.
There are also veritable ass-loads of peripheral health benefits that are the product of lifting (or the accompanying fat-loss and muscle gain), these might not be as sexy as the prospect of fat loss or building a great booty, but being a bit healthier is always nice. Lifting has been shown to decrease resting blood pressure and be cardio-protective as well as warding off type-II diabetes due to increasing glucose and triglyceride uptake by muscles. Heavy weight training also increases bone density and protects against osteoporosis, which is nice as it will stop you falling apart as you age. Furthermore, lifting leads to post-exercise endorphins releases which help combat stress, in addition to heavy lifting itself acting as a perfect venting mechanism for those that require a stress release. High stress levels can wreak havoc on your body so finding a way to combat stress is important; heavy lifting is pretty much like meditation for people that aren't hippies.
This is much cooler than listening to whale song.
An overlooked benefit of females taking up lifting is getting strong. Many girls might not have getting strong at the top of their 'to do' list, but being strong is awesome, whoever you are. Just think of all the jars you can open with your new-found strength! No need to call a man again. In all seriousness though, being fit, strong and muscular makes you a generally more useful person to yourself and others. Seeing yourself get stronger month-to-month is a great feeling, knowing that now you can throw around weights that you couldn't budge half a year ago is empowering and gives you a great boost in confidence. Not to mention that there is literally endless variation and progression possible once you get comfortable with the weight room, so you should always be able to keep moving on to bigger and better things. There are loads of reasons to lift, but personally, I'd say start lifting just because it is fun.
and because a girl lifting is super damn hot.
If my rambling has somehow convinced you to get under some iron, check out my free guides in the top right of this page.
I'm content to not write anything more in this article as I finally worked a line from Illmatic into a title. If you're unaware, Illmatic is probably the greatest album ever. This particular line is from track 9, Represent (that is what the track is called, I'm not ending my sentences with 'represent' and a raised fist quite yet).
Pictured: Not me.
You are now probably wondering what PHAT is; according to Urban Dictionary and 90s black people, it is both a synonym for cool and an acronym for 'Pretty Hot And Tempting'. According to myself and various jacked dudes (the most eminent of whom is Layne Norton, who is probably to thank for popularising the system), it is also a acronym for 'Power-Hypertrophy Adaptive Training'. In practice this means it is a training system with the dual aim of building maximal strength whilst developing size.
This is Google Image's idea of 'PHAT'. I approve.
Without further adieu here are 2 sample programmes:
Strength Bias PHAT programme
Day 1: Pulling Strength (Deadlift 5 sets x 3-5 reps, Hamstring movement 3 x 6-8, Row variant 3 x 6-8, Chin/Pull-up/Machine Pull-down 3 x 6-8) Day 2: Pushing Strength (Bench Press variant 5 x 3-5, Overhead Press variant 3 x 6-8, High Incline Press or Behind Neck Press 3 x 6-8, Dip or Close Grip Bench 3 x 6-8) Day 3: Squat Strength and Accessories (Back Squat 5 x 3-5, Front Squat or Leg Press 3 x 6-8, Calves 3 x 6-8, Abs 3 x 6-8, Shrugs 3 x 6-8)
Day 4: Rest
Day 5: 'Torso' hypertrophy and dynamic effort [DE] (DE Bench Press 5 x 3 (for DE work, use ~50% of 1 rep max), DE Chin or Row 5 x 3, Bench variant 3 x 12-15, Chin 3 x 12-15, Overhead Press variant 3 x 12-15, Row variant 3 x 12-15, Face Pull or Upright Row 3 x 12-15, Dip or Close Grip Bench 3 x 12-15) Day 6: Legs and Arms hypertrophy and DE (DE Squat or Deadlift 5 x 3, Squat or Leg Press 3 x 12-15, Romanian or Stiff-Leg Deadlift 3 x 12-15, Hamstring Curl 3 x 12-15, Calves 3 x 12-15, Curl variant 3 x 12-15, Tricep Extension variant 3 x 12-15) Day 7: Rest
Hypertrophy Bias PHAT Programme
Day 1: Upper Body Strength (Bench Press variant 4 x 3-5, Barbell Row variant 4 x 3-5, Overhead Press variant 3 x 6-8, Chins/Pull-ups/Machine Pull-down 3 x 6-8) Day 2: Lower Body Strength (Back Squats 5 x 3-5, Deadlifts 3 x 3-5, Front Squats 3 x 6-8, Hamstring movement 3 x 6-8)
Day 3: Rest
Day 4: Back and Shoulder Hypertrophy and DE (DE Chin or Row 5 x 3, Chin/Pull-up/Machine Pull-down 3 x 12-15, Row variant 3 x 12-15, Overhead Press variant 3x 12-15, Face Pull or Upright Row 3 x 12-15, Lateral Raise 3 x 12-15, Shrug 3 x 12-15) Day 5: Legs Hypertrophy and DE (DE Squat or Deadlift 5 x 3, Squat or Leg Press 3 x 12-15, Romanian or Stiff-Leg Deadlift 3 x 12-15, Hamstring Curl 3 x 12-15, Leg Extension 3 x 12-15, Calves 5 x 12-15) Day 6: Chest and Arms Hypertrophy and DE (DE Bench Press 5 x 3, Incline Press 3 x 12-15, Close Grip Bench Press or Dip 3 x 12-15, DB or Cable Fly (vary angles) 5 x 12-15, Barbell or EZ Bar Curl variant 3 x 12-15, Tricep Extension variant 3 x 12-15, Dumbell Curl variant 3 x 12-15) Day 7: Rest
If you are looking at this and thinking "What the bloody ef does any of this mean?" then this programme is not for you. This is not a beginner programme; you have to know your way around the gym. You don't have to be the most jacked and tanned guy there, but you should have good form on all the basic movements. Preferably you should at least a year or so of training under your belt, as this programme may well require some tweaking to personal needs, it is good to know how your body reacts to certain stimuli. For example, for me personally, I deal with high volume squatting and pulling pretty well; high volume pressing, on the other hand causes my dodgy right shoulder to hurt like hell and as such causes me to hate everyone and everything around me. Time spent training hard lets you learn ways in which you can and can't push your body and as such it would be prudent to amass some of that knowledge before taking on this programme.
I didn't know what to put here, so tits.
You will also notice that not every exercise is a set-in-stone prescription, many are broad movement guidelines. This means you will need both the knowledge of weight training movements to breakdown the exercises that may fit these guidelines and also the knowledge of self to know which of the applicable movements suits you best. For example where I have written 'Row variant' there are a lot of exercises which fit the billing - 45 degree barbell rows, Pendlay rows, Yates Rows, Cable rows, Meadows rows, Dumbell Rows - knowing which exercise works well for you (whether that is in terms of maximum weight lifted or feeling maximum contraction and pump in the target muscle, depending on day) is up to you. So feel free to play around, stick to the principles and basic structure, but don't be afraid to change things a bit to suit your preferences; maybe you don't like Close Grip Bench or Dips and would rather do JM presses? They are a great exercise so go for it. Maybe you hate front squats? Firstly you are stupid and I hate you, but you might put in Olympic style back squats or narrow stance leg press instead. Learning what does and doesn't work for you is an important and underrated factor (and one I'll probably write an article on sometime). However, there is one caveat: if you suck at something and deep down you know it is important, don't skip it on the pretence that it doesn't work for you; if you can only do 2 pull ups it's probably because you're weak and/or fat, embrace the suck, work hard and get better.
Neither fat nor weak.
Even for those that know what they are doing, there does need to be some further clarification and guidelines. On the strength days (that is Days 1-2/3) you want to have long rest periods, usually around 3 minutes, enough to make sure you can exert near maximum effort on each set, especially for the first exercise in each workout. For these days, the weight that you move for the first exercise is of primary importance, you want to be aiming to beat your numbers from the previous week in each session.
Matt Kroc didn't get this huge from lifting baby weights
On hypertrophy days (Days 2/3-6), shorter rests are required, both because shorter rests are optimal for maximal hypertrophy stimulus and because otherwise, the workouts would take a fucking age; 90 seconds or so is a good guideline. Consequently, the weight that you move is not of the utmost importance, you should be aiming for stimulation of the muscles and 'the pump'. At the very least, this will make you look really good in the gym so you can eye-fuck yourself in the mirror and hold on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, an attractive member of the opposite sex is also doing an eye-fucking on you. Converse to my usual recommendations, on these days where the focus is work volume and pump for a targeted muscle group, machines are fine. I know, I know, this goes against everything I usually preach and I need to wash my filthy mouth out; however, there is a time and place for almost everything, and this is one of the very few times or places for the use of machines, if you so wish. Supersetting exercises, preferably from opposing muscle groups might also be a good idea as it can lead to a large decrease in the time in the gym necessary to get your required lifting volume in. If you find the workouts are still taking longer than you would really like, even with honest short rest periods and supersetting, drop the dynamic effort work first and perform a pure pump style workout.
The pump: it's as satisfying as coming, at least according to Arnold.
This might also be a good place to throw in a quick description on what exactly dynamic effort work is to those that think 'the Westside Method' is one of Tupac's early albums. Dynamic effort work, as popularised by Louis Simmons et al. at Westside Barbell Club, refers to lifting significantly sub-maximal weights with as much speed and acceleration as is possible. Many, many articles have been written on the whys and hows of DE training, but to summarise and greatly simplify: the point of throwing around weights that are much lighter than you could lift is to increase your rate of maximal force production, that is, your power output. Adding in dynamic effort work will lead to increased power which will in turn allow you to lift greater weights in the long run.
He may be fat these days, but you will never be 'two tomahawks on your chest' cool.
Finally, know that this programme is not for the lazy and half arsed, the stressed out and short on time or the tiny-eating, "I just want to tone up" girly men. If you want to get the most from this programme you need to commit, hit it hard in the gym, rest and recover well when out of the gym and make sure you are getting sufficient amounts of quality calories. If you fulfil these criteria then this programme is the unabashed balls for packing size on your frame and getting you stronger than a black guy on PCP.
Back with the third instalment of this series with new information on all the great things your hormones do and the the same shitty joke as the last two articles.
This one has taken me a while for a couple of reasons, first I thought I'd do a surface skimming article that didn't really say a whole lot, then, being a perfectionist tool, I refused to let myself do that and endeavoured to research deeper. Upon doing this I realised I was in way over my head in terms of endocrinic knowledge and decided to revert to the originally planned, superficial, easy-reading article. At this point the perfectionist tool side of me chirped up again and I lost approximately 9 days of my life learning about growth hormone, the functioning of the HPTA axis, exogenous HGH use, general PED use, AAS, SARMs, Myostatin Inhibitors, SERMs, peptides and any and all other science shit that gets people huge.
That's science. Trust him, he's a Doctor.
In short, I nerded. I nerded really hard. Now my head is full of loads of information ranging from the mundane to the really quite exciting, from the legal and advisable to the shady to the down right scary. Now, armed with these masses of information, I feel equipped to write a magnum opus, DC's War and Peace on natural and chemical hormone optimisation, a work more seminal to the development of the human race than the The Bible, The Qur'an, The Bhagavat-Gita, On The Origin of Species, Principia Mathematica, Relativity: Special and General Theory, Nuts magazine and the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle comics, all rolled into one. That, however, is not what you will be getting here; what you are getting will in fact be a brief skim over the topic at hand, hopefully with a few little funnies and some inappropriate photos thrown in for good measure. Shall we?
Human growth hormone (usually just called HGH, but also known as somatotropin or somatropin; I'll probably be using different names as my mind meanders) is a 191-amino acid long single chain peptide that is secreted mainly by your pituitary gland. It gets released in 'pulses' every 3 to 5 hours when the pituitary is stimulated by growth hormone-releasing hormone which is in turn released from your hypothalamus. As implied by the name, it is responsible for the growth and regeneration of your body's cells, as well as promoting the breakdown of fat. Without HGH you would never get jacked and tanned, which of course would be devastating, but it's also important for your brain, bones, regulating your metabolism, stimulating your immune system and other stuff that doesn't really matter as much as good looking muscles.
Obligatory picture of good looking person to somehow prove my point
When it comes to muscle building, it isn't HGH itself which gets the magic done; GH is only active in your blood stream for a matter of minutes before your liver sucks it all up and spits out a bunch of 'growth factors'. Of these, insulin-like growth factor 1 (IGF-1) is the star. It's like Nicole Scherzinger to the Pussycat Dolls; it does all the important stuff that actually matters, the others just dance around in the background looking pretty. IGF-1 is anabolic as hell, so goes ahead and does it thing: making your muscles big and making your life better.
Seriously, can anyone name any of them?
You don't have a whole lot of this magic HGH juice circulating in your body post-puberty (which if you remember, was a time when a lot of things grew a lot and was generally fun for all involved); 20-something men have around 5 nanograms per millilitre of blood between pulses and women have about twice that amount because something to do with having children (sometimes I'm bad at science) and levels only decrease as you age. Anyway, they are average person levels. Who wants to be average? Not me, and hopefully not you, so lets look at how we can supercharge our growth levels, and by extension IGF-1, levels.
"The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I'd hate that." - Arnold. Enough said.
As I said before, growth is released in pulses; the largest and most predictable of these pulses occurs about an hour after you hit the hay, with further pulses through your sleep accounting for over 50% of total release. This leads to our first strategy for optimising HGH release. Sleep. Sleep long enough and sleep well. Cutting your sleep short or having your sleep disturbed means you are likely missing out on these growth pulses and all the benefits that come with them. Learn to develop your own bedtime routine to help you relax and get quality sleep, humans tend to respond well to learned patterns, whatever it is, glass of milk, little meditate, rub one out...
Put your issues in some tissues.
Intense exercise is a factor we can easily control, which signals the body to release HGH. The exact nature of the exercise you are partaking in will affect how your GH levels respond. As is almost unanimously the case, hitting the weights is the best option here, with heavy lifting using compound movements (those which involve multiple muscle groups) shown to spike GH. If we are going for absolute optimal hormone manipulation, it appears that pump style training consisting of lower rest periods (in the region of 30-60 seconds) and reps in the 10-15 range leads to larger GH spikes. There is also evidence that supplements which help induce the pump (and are likely included in your standard pre-workout formula) such as arginine, betaine and taurine, will facilitate a larger GH response to exercise (and also probably give you spontaneous erections).
I thought a picture of Frank McGrath's ridiculous forearm pump was more appropriate than a picture of a boner.
There is some good news here for the cardio lovers too, aerobic training, when done right, can lead to GH releases, which lead to a healthier and better looking you. What constitutes 'done right'? Studies suggest that performing exercise above the lactate threshold for at least 10 minutes leads to the largest HGH releases, but long duration, steady state, hamster-in-a-wheel type cardio can actually decrease GH levels. In practice, this means that HIIT is potentially a smart way to go, as is just hopping on a piece of cardio equipment and going balls-to-the-wall for 10-15 minutes then getting out of there.
Somewhat counter-intuitively, fasting can increase the frequency and amplitude of GH pulses. It may seem a bit strange that after not eating, your body releases a hormone to make you grow, but when we remember that HGH also stimulates the break down of fat and reduces liver uptake of glucose (preventing you passing out from super low blood sugar), this makes a little more evolutionary sense. So if we use controlled fasts (which luckily for you, I've written all about here) we can reap the gains of all natural boosts in GH.
In a way hand-in-hand with the last point; studies have shown that hyperglycaemia (high-blood sugar) severely blunts your natural GH pulses. This means (as has been mentioned many times before), stuffing your face with carbs all day is a poor, poor idea from a hormonal optimisation standpoint, and as such a body composition standpoint, and as such a getting laid standpoint. Carbs aren't the devil, but a constant, sustained intake of carbs does you absolutely no favours. As such, carb intake should be controlled and preferably targeted around the time of your workouts.
Lastly, don't be fat. This one again. Fat people have lower circulating GH and weaker GH pulses. I'm not trying to be mean, biology just doesn't like fat people and seems intent on really kicking them when they're down. For any readers wishing to lose weight, this is a good place to start.
Twins may be one of the best songs ever, but Big Pun and Fat Joe should only set an example of impeccable flow, not body type (or fashion sense).
There we have it, another article on the board; I hope you enjoyed it. My apologies if you didn't, or if you thought this was a little too similar to the last. In truth, some minor nuances aside, most hormonal optimisation boils down to things that we already think of as 'healthy'. Eat well, exercise, sleep. Get lean, get jacked, get tanned, get money.
