Drop weight like an anchor, then you set sail

a.k.a. 'How to eat to be less fat'. The more poetic title comes from Pusha T in his song Raid (yes, he was talking about selling a load of coke and skipping town, but I like the metaphor). For those who enjoy my hip-hop suggestions along with my fitness ramblings; Pusha T is  formerly one half of Clipse, who made one of the best albums ever in 'Hell Hath No Fury'. Everyone should give it a listen.

Hell hath no fury like a woman on a diet

If you are reading this and are a human being living in the first world, there is a good chance you want to lose some body fat. Lots of us do. Our cosy lifestyles, lack of activity and abundance of delicious calorific foods have made us soft. In essence, all we have to do to escape our squishy exteriors is to reverse this trend. This isn't me suggesting we go full caveman, this is me suggesting we move more and exert ourselves a bit. This is me suggesting we resist the convenience of all the calorie dense, nutritionally void foods that our modern life offers and instead eat an appropriate number of calories from predominately whole foods. In theory, I should be able to end the article there, but most people (myself included) seem to have problems always sticking to these dietary suggestions, so need a bit more direct prompting.

This is why you're fat

How best you go about losing fat depends on how fat you currently are; for someone that resembles some sort of land manatee, there is no need for elaborate solutions or dieting protocols, simply slowing down their over-active snack hand and speeding up their under-active legs will see them begin to shed some fat. Hopefully nobody reading this will ever get to the stage where you are less 'a guy with a bit of fat' and more 'fat with a bit of guy'; however, morbid obesity regularly comes with a whole host of health problems, so I must put pride aside and say I'm not qualified to deal with half of that equation. Consulting a medical professional as soon as possible is (in my opinion) a must for any morbidly obese people, that is, assuming they want to vastly improve their life expectancy and quality of life.

Somewhere along the line, something went terribly, terribly wrong

What I'm going to present here is simply a set of sound dietary guidelines that will serve to let you create your own fat loss eating pattern. Notice it is not a 'diet' as I feel that word has become bastardised; a diet now implies something temporary, something you do for 6 weeks before holidays to try not spill over your bikini. So a 'diet', in the modern sense of the word, this is not. These guidelines will work very well for anyone carrying extra weight that wants to drop some unwanted fat. For already lean people wanting to get very lean, more involved strategies are necessary, but if you are that this stage you likely have a   good nutritional knowledge base or know where to look for more information. And yes, for anyone who has read my ebooks, I've copied almost all of this verbatim. Sue me. Actually don't, because I make no money off this shit.


The eating guidelines

• Eat 3 to 5 meals a day and try to keep times consistent – the number of meals you eat comes down to personal preference; 2 or less and you might feel sluggish after eating your required calories, 6 or more and each meal is pathetically small. Eating 3 to 5 meals allows you to get a good amount of vegetables in throughout the day and shouldn't have you feeling too hungry at any point. Keeping timing consistent helps regulate appetite; erratic eating schedules mess up your appetite regulating hormones, predominately ghrelin, but we’ll avoid the heavy science here. As an aside, whatever you may have heard about eating late at night, there is nothing particularly wrong with it, if you wish to have a regular small meal half an hour before you go to bed, go ahead. 

• Don’t stuff yourself, but definitely don't starve – you should always feel content after a meal, but never should the words “ugh, I'm sooo full” be uttered. 

• Eat real foods - If it has an ingredient list full of things you can't pronounce, it isn't going to do you any good. The majority of what goes in your mouth should either have had a face or have recently been growing out of the ground. Leave the factory-made fake foods on the shelf. 

The bright colours serve to attract idiots (Aside: the original print of this photo sold for $3.34 million, someone clearly didn't understand how photographs work)

• Every meal should contain an animal based protein (meat, fish or eggs) – protein is the king of macronutrients, the word even comes from the Greek proteios which means ‘primary’ and those Greeks were smart fellas. Protein is key for building your muscles and recovering from workouts, as well as having the highest ‘Thermic Effect’ of any macronutrient, that is, it raises your metabolism more than fat or carbs. You can vary your protein sources if you wish, but it's not entirely necessary. Good sources include eggs, chicken (whole, breast, legs, thighs), beef (sirloin, rump, rib-eye, any stewing cut, lean mince), pork loin, turkey, all white fish, small fatty fish (sardines, mackerel, herring), wild salmon and trout (farmed can be full of chemical nasties), prawns/shrimp, shellfish… Bad sources are anything deep fried, battered or bread crumbed; anything with very high fat levels (cheap mince, belly pork etc.) or anything preserved/processed (sausages, bacon, salami etc.)

Eat this.

• Eat unlimited amounts of non-starchy vegetables and look to implement variety – Non-starchy veg should make up a very large portion of what you are eating; you probably aren't eating enough now, so make a conscious effort to eat more. This is where your micronutrients, your vitamins and minerals, come from; they are super low in calories but high in the good stuff your body wants. Eat lots. Eat a variety. Need some ideas? Spinach, broccoli, asparagus, chard, cabbage, celery, sugar snap peas, kale, mushrooms, peppers, onions, cucumbers, carrots, courgettes, lettuces, leeks, pak choi, sprouts, radishes…

And this.

• Include small amounts of fats in your first 2-3 meals – First get over your fat-phobia; fats are necessary for optimal hormone production and help keep your blood sugar stable which will have a positive impact on your energy, mood and concentration levels. What are healthy fats? The aforementioned oily fish (sardines, mackerel etc.) are the gold standard of healthy fats; you may not like the taste at first but I really urge you to try to eat them on a semi-regular basis. Otherwise nuts such as almonds and walnuts, whole eggs, avocados and olive oil are all good fat sources. Fats to avoid are evil trans-fats i.e. those from fried foods, in cakes or biscuits, hydrogenated oils such as butter-like (but not butter) spreads and vegetable oils like corn, soy or canola. Contrary to what you may believe, saturated fats such as butter and the fat in meat are not actually bad; you shouldn't prioritize eating them, but they are far from harmful, so do not fear them. A couple of chicken legs and some steamed veggies for lunch is a much better choice than a bowl of pasta. Furthermore, if you are shallow frying, it is best to do this in a saturated fat like butter, as saturated fats don’t degrade at high heats; on the other hand many cooking oils will oxidise, forming compounds that do your body no good.

Fats are vital for the bio-synthesis of testosterone and testosterone is vital for a lean physique in both sexes (no ladies, you won't grow chest hair and a pair of throbbing balls.) 

• Only eat starchy carbs in small amounts in your last meal (non-workout days) or within a few hours of your workout – Let me first say carbs are not the devil, however most people (and especially women, sorry) eat far too many starchy carbs. Honestly, how many days a week does your meal plan look like this: Cereal, sandwich, pasta? Thus, to regain control of your insulin levels and shift some body fat, carb control strategies are effective. The reasons for eating your starches in the evening or post-workout have to do with activating your parasympathetic nervous system and eliciting a favourable insulin response, respectively. If you wish to know more about the bio-chemistry behind this, message me, as I'm sure most people aren't particularly interested.
  You may want to consume predominately gluten free starchy carb sources for a while, as around 5-10% of people have some degree of gluten sensitivity, so may experience a decrease in bloating and lethargy by cutting out gluten containing starches (barley, rye, wheat and spelt). This means your starchy carb intake will be coming from potatoes (sweet and white), rice, squash, oats, bananas (which are a starch and a sugar, but are a good choice post workout), quinoa (if you're fancy). You are going to want to eat a fairly small portion of carbs on your rest days (or everyday if you are exercise adverse), roughly twice the size of your palm, and around double this on workout days; however… 

"Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew"

• Experiment with your carb tolerance – this is where things get a bit handwavey and the problems of blanket prescriptions become apparent. Some people tolerate carbs better than others, this is just a fact. Some of you can have mounds of rice with your peppered steak, broccoli and carrots; others seemingly gain weight by looking at a potato. Not to mention that different starchy carb foods will have different densities of carbs. You are going to have to play around with your intakes a little to find your sweet spot. If you currently guzzle the carbs without getting too fat, you can probably eat a little more than the above guidelines, but can bring intake down if you are looking to drop some fat. If you are one of the unlucky ones who handle carbs badly, you might have to go as far as completely cutting out rest day starchy carbs (but still eating loads of vegetables) to see a good rate of favourable body changes. Start cautiously however, don't go straight in eating bare minimum carbs as there is little need in the majority of cases. Instead, start with the recommended amounts, if fat loss is stalling, decrease your carb intake a bit. If however you are constantly hungry (actually hungry, not just munchy, bored or having a passing craving), grumpy, obsessing over food, exhausted, and feel cold all of the time, then don’t be afraid to bump your carbs up a bit.

Left: Nailed it. Right: Less carbs, oh for the love of God less carbs.

• Drink lots of water and green tea; don’t drink you calories – the first part is self-explanatory, water flushes out toxins and drinking sufficient amounts stops your body holding water and looking ‘puffy’. Green tea is full of anti-oxidants and has been proven to reduce fat, so you're an idiot if you're not drinking it. Don’t drink your calories, the only exceptions here are a post-workout protein shake for more advanced trainees and a splash of milk in your tea or coffee. Definite no-noes are any sort of soft drink, fruit juice, smoothies, sweet wines and super-iced-mocha-frappa-latte-chinos with extra whipped cream. 

625 calories (each) of  nutritionally void, overpriced, douchiness.

• Eat only one or two pieces of fruit on most days – fruit is good for you, yes; however it contains sugar and can spike insulin. We're looking to lose fat and control insulin; this is easier if we somewhat limit fruit consumption. Exceptions are grapefruit and berries; grapefruit is low sugar and has some pretty interesting compounds which accelerate fat burning to a small degree. Berries are fairly low sugar but very high in fibre, as such the insulin response from them is very low. You can have a serving of one of these plus another 1-2 pieces of fruit a day, if you desire. Also if you wish to consume a banana as a starchy carb serving, this is fine. (Note: 1 serving is roughly 80-100g or average sized apples, oranges, bananas etc.) 

Sometimes, it's permissible to eat a bit more fruit.

• Limit dairy except for probiotic yogurt and cottage cheese – that is plain yogurt mind you. Yogurt does contain some carbs so should ideally be eaten in the evening. Personally, I eat plain yogurt with frozen berries after my evening meal most days. Yogurt is fairly low in lactose and the benefit of the probiotics outweighs any negatives from the fairly small amounts of lactose present. Other dairy doesn't offer you much; cheese is high in calories for the satiety and nutrition it provides, milk is unnecessary liquid calories and high in lactose. Cottage cheese is a decent enough cheap protein source if you know you handle dairy well, despite looking absolutely grim. As you get leaner and gain a better understanding of how your body will react to dietary changes, you can add dairy back in, if you so wish.

This was always going to be a boob picture. Just let it be.

• Try not to drink alcohol more than once a week – when you do, drink dry wines or clear spirits with diet mixers, preferably just soda water. Vodka or Gin with soda and a dash of lime is an ideal beverage for a health conscious individual. 

• Allow a ‘free meal’ once per 7-14 days – call it what you want, cheat meal, re-feed, splurge, carb up, whatever. A single, big, calorific meal (preferably the majority from carbs) can be beneficial both psychologically, as you get to eat your favourite foods, and physically as it can serve to prevent metabolic slow down. Whilst a carb heavy, lower fat meal (with protein of course) is more beneficial from a physiological point of view, this is your free meal so have whatever you want. There is still however, a rule: eat only what you can comfortably eat in one sitting; no ordering a large pizza and picking at it for a whole day; if you don't finish your meal, throw the left-overs away. It is also probably a good idea to buy your cheat meal on the day, rather than have ingredients sitting in the cupboard tempting you. Choice of day is entirely up to you, a workout day is preferred, but not essential; you can be consistent with your day of choice (e.g. ‘Faturday’), or you can have your free meal on any day as long as at least 7 days have passed since your last. With regards to how often you are re-feeding, in general, the greater the extent to which you are restricting your dietary intake, the more often your re-feeds should be.

This blog didn't have enough incredibly hot girls rollerskating, this should remedy that.

Tips

• Cook your protein sources in bulk; cooking everything when you want to eat it is hassle, it's much easier to have a few turkey breasts or a whole chicken cooked and in the fridge so you can just warm it up whilst your veggies cook.

• The ultimate way to avoid temptation by a food is to not buy it in the first place. It takes seconds of willpower not to pick up a pack of biscuits in the supermarket; if they are in your cupboard, they play on your mind all day. 

• Similarly, get rid of your take-out menus; that flyer for a pizza place isn't doing you any favours; it's just causing temptation to set in.

• Fill up on veggies. I can't say this enough. Veggies, veggies, veggies.

Popeye knows.

• Get inventive with your vegetables. Plain steamed veg are fine, but variety will keep things interesting. Try using a peeler to make ribbons of courgette and use it like you would pasta or mash cauliflower with some salt and extra virgin olive oil for a quality mashed potato substitute. 

• Plan your meals in advance as much as possible. This stops you getting caught out and then trying to justify a take-out.

• Use spices on everything. Spices make things taste good. Things tasting good makes you happy. 

This guy might look bored, but clever use of spice will keep your food interesting.

• Find a few meals that fit in the guidelines that you can cook easily and you genuinely enjoy eating, then eat them regularly. This is one of the best things you can do for diet adherence. 

• Boredom and hunger are surprisingly easy to get confused. The days you are hanging around the house with very little to do will probably require the most willpower; those when you are busy, you will no doubt barely feel hungry at all. 

• If you do fall off the wagon and have a complete shitstorm of a day as far as your diet is concerned, don’t give up and cry in a corner whilst talking about how terrible you are between scoops of Ben & Jerry’s. Instead, get right back to the plan ASAP and continue on, treating the setback for all it is, a setback.

Just do some squats and make it all better.

The human diet is a strange beast, eating isn't hard, but a large number of people will eat completely indiscriminately with no thought as to what they are putting in their body. If you are one of these people and are wondering why your body doesn't look how you want it to, have a go at implementing these guidelines and more importantly, learn to think about your nutritional intake for yourself. On the other side of the spectrum, there are also people who want to overcomplicate things and tinker with every minutiae of their intake or implement radical dietary strategies or calorie restriction. Sometimes this is necessary, for example for those that are looking to get exceptionally lean, but for the average population a more moderate approach is the best bet. As always, what is presented here is nothing more than my informed opinions on the matter, this is not a definitive guide or the holy grail of fat loss, nor would I ever claim it to be, as my ego has not yet reached Jay Z-esque proportions.